


stay with me (please)

by orphan_account



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, bobbyxbi, doubleb - Freeform, sidejunhwan, uncontrollablyfondau, withahappyending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-04-26 04:47:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 34,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14394615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: You said you'd stay with me. Why did you lie?If there really is a God up there, please—fucking please, let him live. Let him live because he deserves to. Jiwon deserves everything and more than this cruel world could ever offer him, but at least give him the fucking chance. Please, let him live.





	1. I.

**Author's Note:**

> The one where Jiwon brought sunshine into Hanbin's cloudy life but unfortunately life is too fucking cruel. 
> 
> Loosely based off of Kim Woo Bin and Suzy Bae's Uncontrollably Fond ~

“Hanbin-ssi, is it true that the company lost millions because of an embezzlement caused by someone _you_ hired? Will you take responsibility for it?”

“Sir, please tell us!! Are you taking responsibility for the loss?”

“Mr. Kim, is it true that the thief is one your close friends? How did this happen?”

 

All Hanbin could hear was ringing. Loud, obnoxious ringing that wouldn’t stop pounding in his ears. Cameras, microphones, and lights were all being shoved at his face as he tried to get through the big revolving glass doors into his work building, his representatives surrounding him almost like body guards.

But this was not a Hollywood movie and Kim Hanbin was far from an A-list actor. Though not of acting profession, Hanbin had his fair share of fame from being a newly 23 year old appointed CEO of one of Seoul’s biggest electronic companies— KIM ELECTRONICS CO. But the fame that Hanbin received, he decided, was not the good kind.

Hanbin’s world came crashing down when he was just 21 years old and his father died from pancreatic cancer, a case found out too late and thus had been untreatable. Hanbin had no other family left, his mom had left him early on, never having a clear memory of her. At 21, the world was pushed onto his shoulders and he was left to fend for himself, all alone and too goddamn young.

The world was truly too cruel.

Hanbin had been studying at Seoul National University when his father died. He’d been studying law for 3 years when he suddenly had to diverge his originally planned future in order to learn business and take over his father’s company. In two years time, he managed to continue the legacy his dad had left behind, building the empire to grow even more successful.

But being successful meant being known. Being known meant there would be people who loved you, worshipped you even, but then there were always be people who hated you. And Hanbin had been so young when he was thrown into the harsh world of capitalist, corrupt business owners. Malicious comments were made and there were people who tried to steal the business from right under him.

 

“He’s just a snobby rich college student. It’s a shame his father’s company will probably come crashing down.”

“At his age, all he knows is sex and drugs. I doubt he’ll know how to manage running a business that large.”

 

Calls came from old friends of his father and money hungry mongrels tried to convince Hanbin to sell the company to them. But Hanbin promised himself that he wouldn’t let his father down and within the two years that he passed away, the former had kept the company alive and running, prospering futilely as if the original Kim had never left.

Until now, of course. The company’s named was being printed on every tabloid and newspaper in all of South Korea. The attention that Kim Electronics was getting was massive and to Hanbin, it was definitely not the good kind.

 

Word had leaked out that the CFO has been stealing excess funds from the company for months, and had been stock piling the money in a private joint account shared with someone in the United States.  When it was discovered that a huge chunk of money was gone, the CFO had bolted before he was caught, changed his name and everything so not a trace was left behind. The worst part of the situation was that the CFO was someone, a friend, that Hanbin had appointed personally—Song Mino. When Hanbin first found out about the embezzlement and who the perpetrator was, he took the betrayal deep to heart. Mino had been such a good friend to him in college, why would he do this to Hanbin?

 _Money_ , Hanbin thought bitterly. _Everyone goes fucking insane for money. Would do anything for it._

Sure it sucked that the company lost millions because of Mino, but it wasn’t a big enough dent for it to actually do any serious damage. And yeah it was bad that “KIM ELECTRONICS embezzlement scandal” was being published everywhere, but life would go on. In a few months, maybe even a few weeks, everything would go back to normal. No one would remember what happened when the company was up and running again smoothly, and frankly no one would care.

People were only interested in gossip and temporary entertainment. When things were messy and chaotic, everyone would write about it, typing furiously at their keyboards. But once everything was okay again, no one gave a damn.

 

When Hanbin’s world came crashing down around him, faceless people came to sympathize for him at his father’s funeral. People he’d never seen before came to give their regards, fake smiles and fake words. No one truly gave a damn about Hanbin when he was left alone in the world. He didn’t have anyone to lean on, to support him, when suddenly everything fell apart. All he had was himself. And to Hanbin, that was enough. _I don’t need anyone else._

 

Life was about going through the motions. Everything was a routine, the end goal was to make it to the end of each day. Within two years, a once lively bright college student was pushed too fast, too early into the cruel adult world. And with that, he became a perfectionist. A perfectionist who had no true intent to live. He lived just to get through another day, but was that truly living? Hanbin lived vicariously through his work, and that was all he seemed to ever do.

All Hanbin saw was grey. Everything was grey. There were no shimmers of light, no bright colors flashing at him. Yes, Hanbin had an empire of wealth surrounding him. Living such an elite lifestyle would proclaim him to be the happiest person ever, right? But that was far the truth. Because no, Hanbin wouldn't classify himself to be living in the luxury of happiness, but he's not sad either. He knows that he's lucky he's not homeless and wandering the streets of Seoul, instead he basks _alone_ in his beautiful penthouse that overlooks the city of Seoul.

So no, Hanbin is not a cliche rich boy who thinks his life is a drama, falling into fake depression and such. And though he's neither truly happy, he can't be sad either. How can he be sad when he knows millions of others partake in struggles that he'd never face, never had to and most likely never will. Hanbin exludes wealth and he's aware of it, aware of how lucky he is. Even in his monotonous, grey world, Hanbin is content with his life and his way of living. He couldn't ask for anything more, really.   
  
_Just a little bit empty, but who isn't?_

 

 

For the first time, Hanbin was running late to his office. But not really, because you can't technically be late if you're your own boss.  So Hanbin was running behind his usual schedule; he’d usually be at his top floor office by 8AM sharp, but today, for the first time since college, he woke up later than normal.

 _Did my alarm not go off?_ Hanbin looked at his phone with bleary eyes, checking the time. _7:46 what the fuck??_ He sat up quick in his bed, tossed aside the silk black comforter, and stumbled into the bathroom. His OCD kicked in, _I’ll have to make the bed later._

Before hopping into the shower, Hanbin looked at his reflection in the mirror. He groaned at what he saw: puffy eyes with dark circles to match, deep sleep lines ingrained into his cheek, and messy bed head. Quickly jumping into the shower, Hanbin let the hot water stream over his body, running his hands over his tired face. _I never over sleep, what the hell happened?_

After about 15 minutes, Hanbin stepped out of the shower, wrapping a fluffy white towel around his slim waist. A smaller one was used to dry furiously at his hair. He stepped in front of the mirror again, before deciding he wouldn’t sweep his hair to the side with gel like he usually did. Instead he let it naturally fall over his forehead, looking much like the youthful university student version of himself from years ago. Hanbin wasn’t sure if he liked what he saw staring back at him.

He looked too young and too much like his old self. Hanbin hated remembering life before he forcefully became CEO. He hated remembering how truly happy he’d been, waking up 10 minutes before a lecture taught by his favorite professor and sprinting to class. He despised the memories that crept up on him, when his life had been remotely normal and maybe even fun. Making cup ramen at 3AM while studying books on top of books, trying his best to stay awake. Studying in university held tight some of Hanbin’s most fond moments, when he knew what he wanted to do and was set on making a future that was _his_.

But that was before the downfall, before he dropped out of law school and took over a company that was never his in the first place. His father never pushed him to take over, never once asked him if he wanted to learn alongside his old man. Hanbin’s father knew of his dreams and how hard he worked to pursue them. With such a supportive parent figure, Hanbin actually liked to work his ass off studying, hoping one day everything would fall into place, making dad even more proud than he already was. But things don’t always work out the way you want them to, and Hanbin was a prime example. Dreams were snatched away from him and he was pushed into a luxurious life that he didn’t work for. And although Hanbin continued his successor, he sometimes felt like he’d stolen it. The company was his father’s not his, but Hanbin didn’t trust anyone else to take over, so he took on the role himself. So yes, Hanbin made the choice himself to become the corporate CEO, and he knew that. He knew what he did so he would stick to it until the world fell apart again. Previous dreams be damned.

Standing before his color-coded wardrobe, Hanbin pulled on a crisp white button up, a sleek red blazer on top with a black tie and black slacks to match. Slipping on black dress shoes near the front door, Hanbin grabbed his car keys and was out the door.

He looked at his watch, _8:18, fuck._ Deciding that since he was already late, a few more minutes wouldn’t matter. Late was late, it didn’t matter by how much. Hanbin walked to the underground parking infrastructure of his complex building and made way to his shiny red Lamborghini. Turning on the ignition, the boy decided to stop for a cup of hot, steaming coffee on the way to work. Hanbin sped smoothly through the busy streets of Seoul, spotting a cute cafe, _PLATTE,_ a few blocks away from his office building.

He parked on the street with his fancy car, right outside of the cafe, and gained many stares his way. But Hanbin never cared much for people or their thoughts. He stepped out of his car, and made his way into the little coffee shop.

 _God, this line is fucking long._ Hanbin almost wanted to leave because was a cup of hot coffee really worth waiting 30 minutes for? But he was already late, so honestly _fuck it._ Because the cafe was fairly small, there was only one barista at the cash register and two more making the drinks. _That explains why it’s taking so goddamn long._

As the line crept shorter and shorter, Hanbin, who’d been looking at his phone this whole time-scrolling through work emails and inquiries-, looked up to see there was only two more people in front of him. _Thank God._ He was itching for caffeine and couldn’t wait to drown himself in thick, expresso shots. As Hanbin glanced at he menu above the counter, deciding what type of coffee he’d order—a rich, hot, hazelnut-coconut blend with 3 shots of expresso—, his eyes flickered to the barista before the register.

The boy was to simply put it, strikingly beautiful. With fluffy, dark chocolate hair falling across his forehead seamlessly, eyes close to what Hanbin thought rivaled the sun, and a shiny smile that could only be described as bunny-like. His skin glowed the tiniest bit with a healthy tan, and  _God, his smile is so goddamn bright._

 

“Um sir? Sir? Excuse me sir,” The barista looked nervously at the man before him, who was unresponsive to any of his calls.

Hanbin, who’d been too busy staring at the cute barista, didn’t hear the boy ask for his order. Instead, he felt a rough shove to his shoulder, “Hey man, you’re holding up the fucking line!”

Snapping out of his daze, he turned to man who had roughly shoved him and bowed in apology. Turning back to the barista, he rolled his eyes as if to mock the rude guy behind him. To Hanbin’s delight, the boy wrinkled his nosed cutely, _like a_ _fucking bunny,_ as he tried to hold back a giggle.

“Hi sir, what would you like to order?”

The boy spoke with such a soft, gentle tone and suddenly Hanbin resisted the urge to steal him away and hide him from the rest of the world. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_ And the word “sir” sounded so hot coming from the boy’s plush, pillowy pink lips, but Hanbin would never admit that out loud.

Hanbin’s mouth was dry and his original order had flown out of his mind. He could hear the man behind him, tapping his foot impatiently.

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, “Can I get a black coffee, no sugar or cream?”

The barista crinkled his nose again with cute disgust shown on his face. “Okay, sir. One black coffee, no sugar or cream. That’ll be 500 won.” Hanbin nodded and handed him his card. When the boy gave it back, along with the receipt, he flashed Hanbin a smile so bright that he thought he’d gone blind for a few seconds.

“Thank you, sir! Your order will be on the other side of the counter. Come again!!”

But before Hanbin stepped to the side so the person behind him could order, he scanned the barista quickly, searching for a name. A silver metal name tag with _Jiwon_ ingrained on it, was clipped on the front of the boys black button up.

Hanbin looked up at the boy one more time, muttering “Thank you,” and he swore he saw a slight blush appear on his alabaster cheeks. Hanbin picked up his order of _disgusting_ black coffee and stalked out of the cafe, trying to glance shots at the barista but the line was too long.

In the first time in a long time, Hanbin felt something. Something akin to excitement, which was a feeling he hadn’t experienced in years. Despite all the galas and fancy balls he attended, all the awards the company had won because of him, and all the people he had the chance to meet, not once had he felt the rush of heat that he felt when he met _Jiwon_. He felt something close to a fire burning his chest in the best way. It's been awhile since Hanbin felt _alive_ , but one look at the cute bunny barista made him want to _live_. And he'd be damned if he let someone take the chance away, 

_I need to see him again._

 

 

^how jiwonie looks 

 

^how hanbin looks

 

 

 


	2. II.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, this went way off from my original uncontrollably fond au, but oh well. I guess I'm winging it from here on out. hope you all enjoy, this is a lot darker than my other stories ^_^

Hanbin was a pragmatic person, really. He was meticulous and logical and he typically planned anything and everything. He was the type of person who hated recklessness and surprises. Hanbin preferred for everything to be clean and solid, he hated messes and he couldn’t stand people who acted out irrationally.

With all that being said, Hanbin couldn’t help but hate himself in this particular moment. He had become the epitome of everything he despised. And he knew it too. Hanbin knew he was acting crazy and far from his composed, calm and collected usual self. In his irrational state, Hanbin found himself standing at the door of PLATTE cafe at 9PM. He’d been standing towards the side of the door-so that he wouldn’t be seen in the thick glass window- for at least 20 minutes, pondering back and worth whether he should go in or not.

_This is fucking ridiculous. What the fuck are you doing, Hanbin? Just go home. It’s probably closed anyways._

But he knew he was lying to himself when he saw a couple of people chatting leisurely through the window of the cafe. _Yeah, it’s definitely not closed._

Hanbin couldn’t find himself to make the few steps to his red Lamborghini, that once again was parked in front of the cafe. Sighing to himself, he mustered up all the courage that he could and bustled through the heavy door into the quaint coffee shop.

He looked up at the front counter, at the cash register, hoping to catch the cute barista he met a few days ago. When he couldn’t spot him, Hanbin’s heart began to race with anxiety. _Where is he? Why do I feel like this, what the fuck?_ He quickly scanned th _e_ part behind the counter where the drinks were being made. But to his dismay, only one barista was working, close to dozing off as he stirred one last cup of coffee. _Maybe he’s in the kitchen? They make treats here too, right?_ But the glass pastry case at the front of the cafe was empty and the lights of the shop were dimming, meaning the cafe was close to closing time.

“Hi sir, what could I get you?”

Hanbin had never felt more disappointment plummet through his body as he looked up at the register, and the barista looking back at him was not the same as the boy from a few days ago, with sunshine in his eyes. Instead, he found a small boy with fairy like features staring at him expectedly. His name tag glinted in the low lighting of the cafe. Not Jiwon, but _Jinhwan._

_Oh right, I should probably order something._ “Can I have one hot hazelnut-coconut blend with 3 expresso shots?” At least he didn’t mess up how order this time.

The small boy in front of him laughed, “3 expresso shots? You planning not to sleep tonight, sir?”

Hanbin’s gave his best unimpressed glare, _who does this midget think he is? I can order whatever the fuck I want._ “Maybe I’m not.”

_Jinhwan_ raised his hands up in defense, “Okay, okay. One hot hazelnut-coconut blend with 3 expresso shots coming up.” He laughed quietly to himself, “so stubborn, just like Jiwon.”

Hanbin didn’t hear what the boy said but his ears perked when he heard the sunshine barista’s name roll off of the fairy boy’s tongue.

“Excuse me, what?”

 

The barista looked up sheepishly, maybe a tiny bit intimated by the cold man in front of him. “Oh nothing sir, you just remind me of my friend. He’s so stubborn and he also likes to drown in expresso shots and energy drinks late at night.”

“Your friend is named Jiwon?”

Now the small fairy boy looked surprised, “Yes, do you know him by chance?”

Hanbin shook his head and stammered, “I have a friend named Jiwon as well but it’s probably not the same one.” _What the fuck, Hanbin. You don’t know anyone named Jiwon._

Jinhwan looked disappointed, “Yeah probably not since it’s such a common name. And my Jiwon is like one of a kind.”

Hanbin’s breath hitched and his heart dropped. _Your Jiwon? He’s yours? Fuck. This is seriously fucking with me in the worst way. I need to get the fuck out of here._ It felt suffocating to be in the small cafe with _Jiwon’s_ _boyfriend_ and Hanbin felt his throat constrict and sweat begin to form in droplets near his hairline. Hanbin thought maybe he was getting sick with the way his body was feeling and strange emotions consumed him in a way he never felt before. He decided he didn’t like it. Hanbin’s fight or flight instincts kicked in and he knew he was about to hightail out of PLATTE.

_And never come back._

Hanbin slid his phone out of his pocket and began to fake type rapidly, as if he was responding to an urgent email. “Hey listen, _Jinhwan—_ the name felt bitter on Hanbin's tongue—, I have something urgent I really need to get to. Sorry about the drink but I guess you can just drink it? Or maybe not since you can’t seem to handle expresso this late at night.” With that, he bolted out of the cafe, not wanting to see the expression left on the small barista’s face.

Hanbin knew he was being rude, _he knew it_ , but he couldn’t help it. He’s never felt this before, he couldn’t even understand _why_ he was feeling like this. Hanbin didn’t have any deep connection with the boy and it wasn’t like he was in love with him. Hell, he didn’t even know Jiwon, never had a proper conversation with him before. _So why the fuck do I feel like I’ve been shot when that midget claimed the sunshine boy as his own? God, I’m a fucking idiot._

Hanbin raced through Seoul nightlife, driving recklessly—something he'd never done before— through the empty streets towards his apartment complex. His heart was racing at 100mph, trying to pace out the Lamborghini he was driving. The adrenaline pulsed heavily in his veins, and his head was throbbing. He didn't know why  _the fuck_  he felt the way he did, and to be honest, he didn't want to feel anything at the moment. Within minutes, Hanbin pulled into Gangnam District, where his penthouse was. But instead of heading home, the boy drove further into the district, approaching downtown Gangnam. The center of Seoul was filled with the best street food, big shopping malls, and most of all— booming night clubs.

Pulling up at  _Octagon_ , one of Seoul's biggest, most popular night clubs, Hanbin was met with a valet boy behind the red vevlet rope barriers, blocking the entrance to the club. The young valet's eyes glazed over as he looked at Hanbin, as he stepped out with his fancy clothes and expensive car. He eyed the keys to the Lamborghini thirstily and bowed to Hanbin, "Enjoy, sir."

 

Hanbin merely nodded at the boy before he made his way to the entrance, flashing his ID at the usher who was standing at the door. The heavy, thick doors of the club were pushed open and Hanbin stepped in, the smell of alcohol and sweat hit him immediately, neon lights flashing and bass music booming in the speakers.

He made his way to the bar area, loosening his tie with nimble fingers as he sat down on the stool, spinning around to face the bartender, “Give me a gin&tonic with a shot of vodka,” before turning back around to observe the dance floor.

As Hanbin sat there on the bar stool, sipping drink after drink, he eventually felt his headache alleviate and the adrenaline pumping in his veins was giving him the thrill he longed. But it was not enough, never enough. Hanbin wanted to feel the exhilaration of a high, a high that he hadn’t felt in a long, long time.

But _God,_ he could still feel the thoughts of Jiwon and and the smaller barista linger in the back of his mind. And Hanbin hated it. He hated that here he was, getting _fucking wasted_ at Seoul’s wildest nightclub, but yet, his mind was on Jiwon. _Who’s probably at home cuddling with his boyfriend, in front of the couch watching “Big Hero 6”._

Typing away at his phone, Hanbin took another shot before he made his way off the stool, looking for the high he was craving. A few minutes later, he approached the dingy bathrooms, knocking into a familiar someone, before whispering in said person’s ear, “You bring it?”

And then something was shoved into Hanbin’s hand, before stalking away. Hanbin gripped at a little baggie filled with white pixie dust as he pushed the door open into the bathroom, locking himself in a stall.

Eyes glazed, he sat on the lid of the toilet, shakily pulling out two credit cards- one black, the other gold. Little baggie in hand, he poured the finely milled powder onto one card. Hanbin used the other card to make pretty, little straight lines. Then he leaned down towards the gold card, and took a clean snort of the drug. He threw his head back, wiping at his nose, feeling the first wave of euphoria hit. Hanbin sniffled and smiled dopily before going in for another hit. He felt the usual rush kick in; the drug empowered him in a way that boosted his self-esteem and Hanbin felt like he was on top of the world.

Slotting his credit cards back into his _Gucci_ wallet, Hanbin stood up and made his way out of the dirty bathroom stall. Brushing off the back of his pants, he stood in front of the sink and stared into the mirror, grinning at his reflection. After washing his hands, Hanbin walked back out into the club and glided towards the dance floor.

 

Putting his hands on the hips of _a beautiful woman_ , Hanbin begun to move his own hips, following the beat of the music. The girl in front of him preened from the attention, throwing her head back against Hanbin’s shoulder so that her neck was exposed. Hanbin smirked and bent his neck forward to kiss sensually at the pale skin, biting at it so that bruises bloomed into pretty blue and purple flowers. The woman let out a light moan and grinded back against Hanbin, who felt his pants become tighter.

“Come home with me.” And Hanbin didn’t need to be asked twice before he was following her through the club and out into the open night air. The valet boy’s eyes twinkled with delight when he spotted Hanbin, beautiful girl besides him. He quickly handed the keys over and Hanbin wasted no time before driving through Gangnam District in his red Lamborghini, a pretty girl sitting in the passenger seat.

 

~

 

The next morning, Hanbin woke up in absolute hell. His head was pounding, his eyes felt like they were encrusted with sand and his mouth felt as dry as the Sahara Desert. _God, where the fuck am I?_

Panicking, Hanbin blinked his eyes open to full awakeness. He turned blindly and his mouth dropped open at what he saw. A naked girl laying besides him on a bed that was definitely not his. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

Hanbin scanned the room quickly before spotting his clothes and pulling on his pants. Buttoning his _torn??_ shirt and slipping on his shoes as quietly as possible, Hanbin grabbed his tie off the counter and then he was out the door of the girl’s apartment within the speed of lightning.

He walked down the hallway of the apartment complex towards the elevator, putting his tie back on and trying to cover the torn part of shirt in the best way possible, so that he looked at least somewhat decent in front of the receptionist at the front. The elevator pinged, signally he was at the lobby. Hanbin stepped and bolted towards the glass doors that opened out into the streets of _Itaewon_. Trying to escape as smoothly as possible didn’t really work out in Hanbin’s favor because he caught the unimpressed look of the receptionist sitting at the front desk.

As he sat in the driver’s seat of his car, all the memories from last night came rushing in. Hanbin felt like he was gonna throw up. He remembered everything. From visiting the cafe and meeting Jinhwan,

_Jiwon’s boyfriend._ Hanbin remembered the tight feeling in his chest and how he lashed out and made his way into a nightclub. Where he got wasted and fucking snorted lines of cocaine. _The cocaine. Fuck._ He remembered the high he felt and how he followed a girl home, where he _fucked_ her.

_Oh god._

Hanbin felt so, so sick. He gripped the steering wheel and tried to take the fastest route home but here he was, in fucking _Itaewon_. Stopping at a red light, Hanbin punched the wheel. _You’re so fucking stupid, Hanbin. I can’t fucking believe you. Coke, really?_

Once he reached his penthouse, Hanbin unlocked the door with shaky hands. Stepping through the door, Hanbin pulled at the tie around his neck, it was _suffocating_ him. He felt his throat constrict and the tears burn in the back of his eyes.

_What is happening to me?_

Hanbin felt disappointment flash through his body. Here he was, acting  irresponsible and _plain out fucking stupid_ , as if he was back in college or even high school partying away his worries. What would his dad think if he could see him now? _Cocaine isn't a fucking joke._  He hadn't had a cocaine fix in so long, and he was proud of himself for keeping clean for almost a whole year. But here he was, daddy issues mixed in with illegal drugs.  _Great._  A tear slid down Hanbin’s cheek and he quickly wiped it away. _This is so fucking stupid. Everything is so fucking stupid._

His shame turned into anger. Hanbin was so angry with everything, angry at his dad for leaving him, angry at himself for acting so dumb _over a boy_ , angry at Jiwon for making him feel this way, and angry at Jinhwan for having the one thing he didn’t, _Jiwon._

The more he thought about it, the more he could feel the bile rising in his throat. Jiwon was painstakingly beautiful and Jinhwan suit him well. With delicate features and a petite frame, Jinhwan was so pretty. Of course, he fits with Jiwon, the smaller boy was almost as pretty and shiny as Jiwon himself. _Beautiful people belong with beautiful people._

And it wasn’t like Hanbin wasn’t attractive himself because he was. He knew he was good looking with his deep chocolatey eyes, strong jawline, pale skin, and tall height. With his prominent features and his lean, muscular build, he was definitely classified as handsome. But Jinhwan was so soft, so pretty looking and Hanbin was all sharp angles and cold eyes.

The latter thought about Jiwon and how _shiny_ the bunny-like boy was. Whenever the barista smiled, his eyes crinkled into half crescent moons but they were so _bright_. And Hanbin had only seen the boy once but he was so goddamn _beautiful_ and he just couldn’t look away.

Hanbin felt like he was stepping into new, unmarked, dangerous territory. Because he had only seen the boy once and he was already addicted. Almost like the boy was he next cocaine fix. He couldn’t stop thinking about the boy and his alluring eye-smile, his cute button nose, and his plush pink lips _that would feel so hot and wet around his thick, pulsing dick._ Hanbin was surely going insane. He’d never felt this attracted to anyone before and sure Hanbin’s had his fair share of one night stands with beautiful people, but this boy was different. He had an angel-like aura surrounding him in halo, white innocence. Jiwon seemed like the epitome of purity and Hanbin couldn’t help but be drawn to his addictive glow.

But then that stupid fairy boy had to come and ruin it all. Jinhwan with his pretty eyes and pink cheeks. With his thick Jeju accent to match his soft voice, Hanbin felt it paired perfectly with Jiwon’s own raspy, gentle tone. And that pissed him off. It pissed him off so much that the smaller boy was seemingly a perfect match to the taller barista. It made his mind spin with malicious thoughts on why Jinhwan was everything Jiwon could ever want and why Hanbin could never compare.

_God, Hanbin. You’re a fucking idiot. A beautiful boy like him deserves to be with someone just as pretty and soft. Birds of a feather flock together._

Hanbin didn’t deserve someone as delicate as Jiwon. He was a ticking time bomb, destructive and cold, ready to set off at any second. Hanbin didn’t do boyfriends or girlfriends, no loving relationships. He didn’t want someone clinging to him all the time or following him around like a lost puppy. He liked rough fucks and one night stands, never bleeding into morning.

So Hanbin couldn’t understand why he was so drawn to the boy when he knew that he could never make the boy happy. He’d lash out at him, possibly even hurt him in his moments of flashing, red hot anger. Hanbin was unpredictable like the eye of a hurricane, calm and collected right before the storm. He could never fully give himself to Jiwon because Hanbin didn’t trust anyone, didn’t trust the world and he most of all he didn’t trust himself. And Jiwon didn’t deserve that. The bunny-like boy deserved the entire world and more, he was meant to be worshipped and praised. He deserved constant love and affection, something that Hanbin could never give him fully. The barista deserved love in the most purest form, but Hanbin was already _so dirty. I’d just taint him._ Hanbin knew Jiwon deserved better.

_But oh wait, he already has someone. Jinhwan who probably treats him well. Jinhwan who probably gives him the whole world and would hang the stars and the moon if asked. Someone that’s not me. Someone that will_ **_never_ ** _be me._

_It’s better this way. I’d end up breaking his heart just so he wouldn’t break mine._

_And fuck, I’ll never get to try that hot hazelnut-coconut blend with three expresso shots._

Hanbin sighed.

 


	3. III.

Smal footsteps pitter-pattered down the long hallway leading into a large home office.

"Appa! Appa, come play with me!!" 

Looking down at the red-faced boy standing besides his work desk, the older man smiled, "Okay, Bin-ah. Let appa finish up and I'll take you to play basketball at the park. How's that sound?" 

The small boy beamed up at his father in delight, "Okay appa, can we bring Yoyo too?"

Ecstatic that his 7 year old son was finally getting along with some of the other boys in his first grade class, the elder happily complied, "That's fine. Go ahead and call him, Binnie." 

 

And the boy ran off excitedly, smile as bright as the moon. Arriving breathless at the main parlor, little Hanbin rushed up to the white mantel where a gold and white vintage telephone was slitting. Standing up on his tippy toes, the young boy reached up to grab the receiver.

Huffing because he couldn’t quite reach the phone, Hanbin pouted, about to run off to find his dad again. Luckily one of the housekeepers coincidentally—or maybe not—shot through the French doors leading into the parlor, and strode towards Hanbin, picking the phone up at ease and handing it to the adolescent.

“Hanbin-ah, who are you calling?”

The little boy grinned up thankfully, “Thank you, noona! I’m calling Yoyo to come play basketball with me and appa!!”

The housekeeper smiled softly, “ _It’s been a while since Mr. Kim has spent time with his son. This will be good be for them both, I’m sure.”_

Hanbin dialed his best friend’s phone number-that he memorized by heart- and tapped impatiently, waiting for Yunhyeong to pick up.

An older woman answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Hello auntie Kim! Can Yoyo come play basketball with me at the park? Appa can bring us!”

Then woman on the other line chuckled, “Hello, Hanbin-ah. I’ll put him on the phone and you can ask him yourself. “

Hanbin nodded eagerly, “Okay auntie. Take care!!”

The corners of Mrs. Song’s mouth curled up, silently thinking, “ _What a polite boy. Yunhyeyong should learn a thing or two about manners from him."_

 

“Hanbin-ah?”

“Hello hyung! Do you want to come play basketball with me and appa? He said he will take us!!”

“Really?”

“Yes! Come to my house right now!!”

The older boy, Yunhyeong, giggled on the line, “Okay, Binnie. I will ask my mom to see if she can take me now. Hopefully I’ll see you soon!!”

About 15 minutes later, Yunhyeong was dropped off in front of the Kim mansion located on the outskirts of Gangnam. Instead of being buried deep in the heart of Seoul, Hanbin and his father lived in a wealthy community full of upper class elites who chose to be isolated from the busy-ness of the city. Yes, the drive to work and school everyday was a bit much everyday, but Mr. Kim’s personal assistant drove Hanbin to school and picked him up whenever the elder was busy—which was most of the time.   

Jogging up to the heavy double doors of the mansion, little Yunhyeong knocked excitedly, cheeks flushed red from the biting wind. The housekeeper opened the door and as soon as the small child bowed politely, Hanbin appeared from behind her, peeking his head out to stare at Yunhyeong with wide, innocent eyes.

“Yoyo-hyung!"

The taller boy at the door smiled brightly, “Hi Binnie!! I brought you something,” and then he thrusted a sunflower that was a bit limp in the stem from Yunhyeong’s tight grip towards Hanbin.

“Wow, hyung!! It’s so pretty.”

“Not as pretty as you, though.”

Hanbin flushed a pretty pink, ducking his head at Yunhyeong’s words. He was only seven years old, not old enough to fully understand what that meant because he wasn’t a girl, but Hanbin knew enough that it made him feel warm inside.

“Come in, Yoyo. I’ll call appa so he can take us to the park!”

The older boy nodded and mused Hanbin’s hair, messing it up fondly.

“Yah!!”

“Hey, I’m your hyung, Bin-ah.”

“Yeah, but you don’t act like one.”

And then Hanbin was running off into the hallway towards his father’s office, eyes bright with mirth, while Yunhyeong was left speechless in the hallway, mouth opened in shock.

***

Mr. Kim sat on a bench, watching Hanbin  and Yunhyeong pass the basketball back and forth, dribbling it between their legs, and taking turns shooting shots at the hoop. He watched fondly, saving this moment in his mental memory. _I wish it could always be like this. I’m sorry appa is so busy, Binnie._

Being the successful businessman that he was, Mr. Kim didn’t spend a whole lot of time with Hanbin and he regretted it deeply. Work consumed him, he knew it, but he wanted to ensure that his only son lived happily with the best of the best. His son was his only family since his wife left him years ago when Hanbin was just a baby; his parents dead before he was born.

 

The elder knew that money wasn’t the link to happiness but Hanbin was still so young and he didn’t understand what the world was about yet. Mr. Kim wanted for his son to live oblivious to the evils of the world so he traded precious time with his son to make sure he’d live comfortably. _It’ll all be worth it in the end. I’ll do you proud, Hanbin-ah._

 

“Appa! Appa look!!”

 

“Hanbin-ah, get down from there!!”

 

 

~

 

 

Hanbin woke up drenched in his own sweat. He’d just had a nightmare pierce his sleep. Nightmare—meaning he’d dreamt of his youth, reminiscing spending time with his father. He relived his younger days when his father was still alive where he didn’t have a care in the world.

Tears burned at his eyes, and Hanbin let them fall onto his pale cheeks, not bothering to wipe them away. _I miss you, appa. I miss you every day. I miss you so much, it hurts. It hurts so fucking bad, appa._

Hanbin’s head hurt. The memories were painfully clear in his mind, and it was like they kept replaying, over and over again until Hanbin was drowning in his past.

He reached for his phone on the nightstand and checked the time. _4 o’clock, where are you?_ It was four in the morning and Hanbin couldn’t feel worse. Not only was is ass o’clock in the morning, but he had to be at the office in a few hours. Hanbin sighed and opened Kakao Talk to check for any new personal messages.

Yunhyeong had sent him a selfie of him and his boyfriend, Donghyuk. They were taking a short vacation and had flown to Paris for a weekend getaway. Hanbin smiled down at the photo, genuinely happy for his best friend. It was bittersweet though because Hanbin could only wish he ever feel the happiness his best friend felt. He longed for the warm, fuzzy feeling bubbling in his stomach that his best friend had described to him whenever he talked about his lover. 

_Most of all, Hanbin just didn't want to feel empty._

Hanbin sighed. He sluggishly got up out of bed and grabbed a thick hoodie that was slung over of the arm of the black leather couch that was across his bedroom. Pulling the sweater over his head, Hanbin made his way into the master bathroom.

Standing before the mirror, he looked at his reflection. Messy brown hair, puffy, lifeless eyes marked by dark circles, pale skin that looked almost sickly, and bitten red lips stared back at him. Hanbin tiredly splashed cold water on his face, rubbing tiredly at his sunken eyes.

Not stepping out of the bathroom, Hanbin peeked his head into his room, eyes focused on the digital clock standing on the nightstand. _4:26._ Knowing he couldn’t go back to sleep even if he tried, the boy brushed his teeth and decided to go on a run to Han River.

Pulling on a pair of basketball shorts, Hanbin grabbed his keys and was out the door, cloudy eyes and a foggy mind.

Jogging from Gangnam District all the way to south of the Han River was no easy feat, but Hanbin loved the burn in his lungs. As he approached the barriers that blocked the river below, Hanbin relished in the icy air, face tilted up to look at the grey clouds. Seoul mornings were cold and damp; the sun not yet come up.

He looked over the beautiful, shimmery waters, wondering just how cold the river was and how’d it feel if he took a dip. Hanbin’s thoughts pondered and soon he was daydreaming about floating in the ocean for days on end, never having to come back to real life.

Dark thoughts consumed him and he found himself longing for the cold water to touch his finger tips. As he inched closer and closer to the barred metal barrier, he wondered what it’d feel like taking a dive this high up.

Gripping the freezing metal, Hanbin broke away from his own thoughts. Terrified by what he was thinking, he quickly backed away from the barrier, running as far away from the river as he could. The burn in his lungs hurt, the harsh wind cutting against his face, but Hanbin kept going. _What the fuck am I thinking?_

 

After what seemed like miles, Hanbin glanced down at his black smart watch. _6:08._ The sun had risen and the city was just beginning to wake up. Somehow, Hanbin found himself in the heart of Seoul, standing in front of PLATTE cafe.

_What the fuck am I doing here?_

_Coffee?_

_Yeah right._

Not sure if the cafe was open yet, Hanbin peeked through the glass windows, praying to God that no one, _specifically Jiwon_ , was looking at him from the inside.

Heart racing at what he saw, Hanbin quickly whipped his head back, out of sight from sight, as he stood stupid against the wall near the back alley of the coffee shop.

Jiwon was alone in the cafe, wiping down the glass pastry case in a black uniform with a cream colored apron tied around his slim waist, name tag glinting in the faint light.

_How does he look so sun-shiney this early in the morning?_

 

The boy was the literal epitome of ethereal. He was so effortlessly beautiful and Hanbin felt his breath get caught in his throat. Jiwon’s eyes flashed full of life compared to Hanbin’s own dull ones.

Just getting one look at the barista through the window was enough for Hanbin to feel giddy. With fake confidence, he opened the door to PLATTE. The bell at the the top of the door signaled Hanbin’s entry and Jiwon, who was still wiping at the pastry case, looked up.

The pretty boy smiled at Hanbin _-_ who just about died and went to heaven-, “Good morning sir!! I’ll help you in a just a moment.”

“Not a problem.”

A few seconds later, Jiwon set a rag down and wiped his hands against the cream apron, walking to the register. “Hi! What can I get you, sir?”

Hanbin was quite disappointed when Jiwon didn’t recognize him as the guy who ordered a plain black coffee about a week ago. _It’s not surprising, he probably gets a millions customers everyday._ But still, Hanbin couldn’t stop the little bit of hope he had from dissipating.

He looked back to Jiwon from his gaze at the menu above the counter, and found that the barista seemed to be studying his face.

“Are you the guy who ordered a plain black coffee last week?”

Now Hanbin was surprised. So Jiwon _did_ remember him. Hanbin began to feel his heart begin to pound rapidly in his chest again.

Trying to be as smooth as possible, Hanbin said cooly, “Yeah, I am.”

He knew he’d failed miserably when Jiwon gave him the _cutest_ accusatory glare, “Are you going to order it again? Because I’m pretty sure I found it sitting on top of a trash can outside.”

Flushing deep red, Hanbin rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, _fuck I forgot about that._

He looked at Jiwon, “No I’m not ordering that again. Not much of a black coffee person anyways.”

Jiwon stared at Hanbin suspiciously, before laughing adorably, “People who genuinely enjoy drinking pure black coffee have CEO potential, but I guess we're both not up to those standards. So what would you like, sir? I hope it's something you'll actually drink."

Little did Jiwon know, Hanbin was one of the biggest CEOs in South Korea. But Hanbin wasn't about to tell him that. 

"What would you reccomend,  _barista_?"

 

Jiwon’s face morphed into one of surprise,   like he wasn’t quite used to people asking him for _his_ opinion, “I- ..”

And just as quickly, the surprise disappeared and was replaced with something a little more _sweet_ , a little more _cheeky_ , “My favorite drink is milk and honey iced coffee. It’s sweet but delicate enough that it doesn’t overpower the tongue.”

Hanbin smiled at Jiwon’s drink of choice. _I wonder if his skin tastes like milk and honey, sweet and delicate on my tongue._ “I’ll be trusting your opinion then, love. One milk and honey iced coffee it is.”

_Fuck, did I just call him love??_

_He has a boyfriend, Hanbin. Remember that the next time you wonder what his fucking skin tastes like._

He took a look at Jiwon and found the barista flushing at the pet name, cheeks pink as he shyly glanced at Hanbin, not meeting his eyes, “Okay, sir. That’ll be 500  won.”

Hanbin handed Jiwon the money before stepping to the other side of the counter, where he watched the other boy make the drink behind the transparent barrier that separated the two. He watched as Jiwon, with pretty hands and nimble fingers, brew fresh coffee before straining condensed milk into to it, drizzling a little bit of honey and stirring it all together.

As he poured the drink into a translucent cup, a few ice cubes stacked at the bottom, Jiwon looked over to Hanbin and grinned teasingly, “Please tell me you weren’t trying to memorize how to make the drink so you wouldn’t have to come in and buy coffee anymore. My boss wouldn’t want me giving away our amazing recipes and losing customers.”

Hanbin laughed despite being caught in his intense stare, “No, I can’t even make a proper cup of coffee let alone a fancy ice blend. Just admiring your skill, love.”

_There it is again, the fucking “love”._

Jiwon ducked his head shyly before sliding the drink under the slot of the barrier towards Hanbin. “It doesn’t really take skill to make drinks, but thank you. I’m sure it’s nothing compared to you,”

Hanbin frowned, not quite understanding what Jiwon meant, “What do you mean?”

Again, Jiwon blushed red before leaning on the counter looking at Hanbin through the glass, “I mean, your skill. Don’t think I didn’t see you in that fancy suit last time you came, sir. Important businessman?” Jiwon’s eyes gleamed as he spoke, “Or maybe a rich mafia boss?”

Hanbin laughed, grabbing his drink, “Yeah, something like that.”

The barista’s eyes widened, “Which one?”

“The first one, _love_ , don’t worry.”

Jiwon’s never ending blush was so pretty to Hanbin and he swore he’d never get tired of seeing it. Pink cheeks and shiny eyes with a mouth so sinful, Hanbin wondered what it could do.

Jiwon leaned farther onto the counter, looking at Hanbin with anticipation, “Try the drink, sir!!”

“Hanbin.”

Tilting his head like a confused puppy, Jiwon looked at Hanbin with wide, questioning eyes, “What?”

_God, he’s cute._

“ _Jiwon_ , please call me Hanbin.”

It might’ve been a little creepy that Hanbin called the barista by his name without him telling him, but that’s what name tags were for, right?

_Fuck, what if he thinks I’m a fucking stalker or something?_

But if Jiwon was any creeped out, he definitely didn’t show signs of being so. Instead he grinned brightly, “Try the drink, Hanbin!!”

_I love the way my name sounds coming from his mouth. He’d probably sound like heaven in bed._

Ridding his head of all the dirty thoughts floating in his mind, Hanbin took a sip of the milk and honey iced coffee through the straw. Eyes widening at how addicting the taste was, he took another sip.

He’d been  expecting the drink to taste good, coming from Jiwon’s top picks, but this iced coffee was amazingly _delicious_. Sweet but not of confectionary sugar but of _honey_ ; Hanbin couldn’t get enough.

He looked up from the iced coffee he’d  been sipping on and lost himself in Jiwon’s  beautiful shiny eyes, crinkled in delight when he found Hanbin enjoying the drink. The sun had risen at some point and it was glaring though the big glass windows, hitting Jiwon directly in the face.

The barista looked insanely angelic, the way the light framed him, as he skin shone a healthy glow and his eyes, _God, his eyes._ Hanbin couldn’t tear his own eyes away from Jiwon’s beautiful almond shaped ones; the irises were a stunning shade of amber and they shone bright with gold flecks when the sun hit them.

_He has to be unreal._

 

But the boy was very much real and he was standing right in front of Hanbin, with a transparent barrier set between them. It felt like the world was mocking him, the reality of the situation hitting him in the worst way possible.

It was almost ironic, really, the way the wall separated them let Hanbin know that this was as close as he could get to the beautiful boy. So close that he could see the faint freckles that were splattered sporadically on Jiwon’s cheekbones, so close that he could see traces of blue and green veins on the pale skin of his eyelids. Hanbin was so _fucking_ close to the boy but yet, there was a stupid transparent wall between them, reminding him how Jiwon wasn’t his, _could never be his_.

Because Jiwon already belonged to someone else. Someone that wasn’t Hanbin. And the truth of it all hurt; it hurt so _fucking_ much that to Hanbin, it felt like he’d been punched in the stomach and all the air was knocked out of his lungs. He couldn’t _fucking breathe. Why can’t I fucking breathe?_

The pain was so heavy that the sick, twisted part of him wanted Jiwon to _feel_ the same pain he was feeling. Hanbin wanted to spit the drink out in disgust and watch Jiwon’s face crumple with disappointment. He wanted to make the boy feel small and upset, to feel disheartened that his _favorite_ drink didn’t make the cut.

But as Hanbin watched the light sparkle in Jiwon’s eyes, he knew he didn’t want to be the one who put them out. Didn’t want _anyone_ to put them out, _and God help me if someone ever tries to take the shine out of his eyes_ , Hanbin felt the primal need to protect the delicate fawn.

“It’s yummy, right Hanbin?”

And because Hanbin’s heart was weak, he agreed with the barista, nodding, “This really is delicious. Guess I might have to steal the recipe after all.”

Jiwon’s laughter sounded like Hanbin’s favorite music, “Please don’t, I-“

The bell on top the door chimed, and a person came strolling into the cafe, making his way to the counter.

Jiwon looked at the new customer, “ _I’ll be right with you, sir!_ ”, before turning back to  Hanbin, looking at him apologetically, wide puppy eyes sucking him in. “I’m sorry, I have to go Hanbin. I’m really happy you liked the drink. Hopefully you’ll come back to order it again?”

The customer at the counter coughed and Hanbin clicked his tongue in annoyance, “I’ll definitely be coming back, it’s addicting.”

_Almost as addicting as you._

Jiwon smiled happily at Hanbin before scurrying off to take the customer’s order and Hanbin was left alone, standing in the light streaming through the window, of the almost empty cafe. A ghost of a smile on his lips as Hanbin grabbed the iced coffee and made his way out the door to the awakening city of Seoul.

_Good bye hot hazelnut-coconut blend, hello iced milk and honey._


	4. IV.

_What the actual fuck?_

Hanbin was almost 100% positive that he was hallucinating, despite only having downed a couple shots of apple Ciroc. And he was almost sure that there were no drugs running heavily through his veins, or maybe there was, _did I shoot up in the bathroom? I can’t remember._

But whatever he drank or did earlier seem to have clouded his mind in the most delirious manner and Hanbin was sure he was going insane. Not trusting his own mind, Hanbin twisted back in his seat to face the bar, rubbing his eyes furiously as if it would clear the fogginess.

 

Hanbin had stumbled into _the Red Dragon o_ nly an hour earlier after a _shitty_ day at the office.

His secretary had been _so goddamn annoying_ and would not stop yapping about how amazing her boyfriend was in bed, and how _he was so fucking rich._ She talked so loud that the whole floor was listening in, and Hanbin, sitting in his office while sipping on a hip flask filled with vodka, was forced to hear to these disgustingly vain stories. Little did she know he was fucking her best friend—the next secretary down— too; Hanbin snorted, _people always act so pretentious when they have shit to hide._

So yeah, Hanbin might’ve consumed a little bit of alcohol before coming to the club, but _hey that’s what a pre-drink is for right?_

Now he was sitting at the bar, observing  the nightclub as it came alive, music booming, lights flashing. As Hanbin watched the dance floor, he caught the dirty grind of hips and slick tongues snaking their way into indecent mouths.

_He was looking for his next fuck._

But as his eyes searched over the crowd, Hanbin saw something that made him do a serious double-take. Surely his was in too much of a fucked up haze to differentiate real life and his drunken state of mind. Because surely what he was seeing was not real and was not actually happening.

There on the dance floor, just at the edge,  was two boys. A smaller one, that Hanbin’s mind registered as _Jinhwan_ grinding obscenely against a boy that was very much _not Jiwon._ The boy— that the fairy-like barista was pretty much dry humping against— was tall and broad in stature, with dark hair and even darker eyes. Sensual eyes that were smoldered in heavy charcoal eyeliner as he lazily watched the smaller boy grind his hips against his.

Hanbin saw red. _What about Jiwon?_ What about the boy made of sunshine with fluffy hair and bright eyes and a smile that could make the moon shiver? Hanbin was growing restless and livid, about to jump off the bar stool and give Jinhwan a piece of his mind _with his fist._

How could Jinhwan think it was even remotely _okay_ to a hurt a boy as soft and pretty as Jiwon? Did the smaller boy have no shame? How could he be here dancing with another man when the latter was probably at home, covered in silk pajamas and waiting on the bed for his precious boyfriend? How would Jiwon feel when his lover came home covered in blooming bites and brushing it off with a lame excuse, _Oh these? I burnt myself with the straighter this morning, don’t worry honey._ The boy who was so trusting of the cruel world would probably believe Jinhwan too, until the light from his eyes slowly vanished each day when his boyfriend came home smelling of another man.

Hanbin’s heart burned at the thought of a sad Jiwon with no shimmer in his eyes, no mirth in his smile, no color in his skin. He pictured in his head, a broken boy with glazed eyes and shaky fingers. _A reflection of himself._ And the pain Hanbin felt was so much stronger than what he felt when he found out that that Jiwon had a boyfriend. Because he couldn’t fathom the idea of the barista‘s heart breaking because his scum boyfriend cheated, thinking he wasn’t enough. Jiwon was more than enough, more deserving than anyone in the world and Hanbin sure as hell wouldn’t let the tiny boy in the dance floor get away with stealing a piece of the sun just to cheat on it with the moon.

_Snakes truly are the most beautiful creatures._

Hanbin stood up off the stool, smoothing down his black _Armani_ dress shirt and tightening his matching silk tie.

_Is it even fair of me to hit that guy? He’s like 2 feet shorter than me.. What if people think I’m attacking a minor, shit. Is this child abuse??_

Hanbin turned around to order one more liquid shot of courage and he downed it in seconds, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. When he faced the crowd again, his eyes went wild with fire, _the shortie’s gonna fucking get it._

Explicit dancing had turned into something more _dangerous_.  Hanbin caught Jinhwan making out with the taller man, the latter grabbing at the barista’s ass, shame no where to be found.

Hanbin tightened his fists, lean arms falling limply at his side as he stalked forward, edging towards the dance floor.

But as he stepped closer and closer, Hanbin froze, whole body turning rigid. His eyes were wild, pupils dilated to the point where the chocolate irises couldn’t be found anymore.

_Hanbin’s heart broke all over again._

There standing right before him was Jiwon. Beautiful, bright, shiny Jiwon in all his angel glory. But the barista wasn’t alone and he certainly wasn’t with _Jinhwan_. Instead, Hanbin watched Jiwon being devoured by another man. He looked foreign with silky blonde hair and honey-tanned skin. His tall, bulky frame boxed Jiwon in as he pressed wet, succulent kisses to his exposed neck. The smaller boy had his eyes closed in pleasure, mouth parted and Hanbin could only imagine the little whines coming out.

_He felt so, so sick._

Hanbin watched on as the pair shared breathy laughs and sticky alcohol filled kisses, and he finally snapped when the taller, foreign man began to pull Jiwon towards the bathroom. He glanced over to the edge of the dance floor to see if Jinhwan had seen the interaction or if he was too busy with his own indecency. But what Hanbin saw had him sick to his stomach and dizzy with confusion. The smaller boy had winked at the other barista, mouthing a teasing _“have fun_ ”.

_What the fuck is going on?_

Had Hanbin been reading the whole situation wrong? _Jiwon and Jinhwan...? They’re not together? And who the hell is this foreign fuck?_

Hanbin’s head was pounding and he really didn’t want to think anymore. All he wanted was to feel the exhilaration running through his veins. _It’s been a couple hours since I shot up.. why can’t I feel anything? I need more._

But even with the concentrated drug running through Hanbin’s system, all he could focus on was the boy before him. Jiwon looked mouth-wateringly decadent, with his flushed skin gleaming with a sheen of sweat, glossy red lips puffy and bitten. He looked so, so wrecked. Hanbin could no longer differentiate whether he was turned on or pissed off that he wasn’t the one pushing Jiwon into euphoria. Or maybe it was both.

Hanbin stood alone in the crowd, surrounded by nameless faces packed together like a can of cold-pressed anchovies. Sticky skin, messy grins and dilated pupils made grabby hands at Hanbin, trying to pull him along to the beat of the music. But Hanbin didn’t want to be touched.

 

He was so close to _fucking losing it_ and if one more dirty finger trailed on his skin, someone was seriously going to get hurt.

Hanbin spun around, ready to go home and get even _drunker_ on whiskey in the comfort of his own home, not in a sea filled with filthy vermin and two pretty boys. He looked towards the edge of the club and found that the smaller fairy one had already left, _presumably to fuck the man with smoky eyes._

And Jiwon? Hanbin saw him stumble cutely behind the taller blonde man, looping their way to find privacy in the cramped stall of some dingy restroom.

Hanbin sighed, _I really need to get the fuck out of here. This isn’t fun anymore._

Abandoning his original plan to find a nameless fuck to bring home, Hanbin dejectedly walked past the mass crowd of partiers.

But something in the back of his mind was nagging at him, nonstop. It was something akin to _worry_. Hanbin had seen the way the foreigner had roughly pulled on Jiwon’s fragile wrist, dragging him towards the restroom. He’d seen the way Jiwon had winced but he still looked like _he wanted it_ , so Hanbin brushed it off.

But the worry would not stop pushing its way into the corners of his mind, even as Hanbin stepped out into the cold air of Seoul. He thought back to Jiwon’s hazy, clouded eyes and how his smile seemed the tiniest bit shaky when the older man was pressing himself against him. Hanbin ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at it in distress.

Hanbin would never _fucking_ forgive himself if Jiwon got hurt, especially if it was something that _he could’ve prevented_. He was the one who saw how unfocused Jiwon’s eyes, saw how unclear his actions seemed to be.

Something sparked in Hanbin’s mind, _he’s laced on some fucked up shit._ Drugs. Drugs were the only logical explanation to why Jiwon was acting the way he was. _What had he taken?_ Hanbin himself was an avid prime substance abuser, even if he would never _fucking admit it_. Because he had control over what he took, or at least he thought so. Thought he was so smart with everything and how he’d never end up in rehab, _unlike someone he knew._ Hanbin scoffed.

He was taken back, really. Jiwon didn’t necessarily look like the type who popped whichever pill was thrown his way, or the type to shoot up with dirty needles and shaky hands. The boy looked clean and healthy and maybe if really did do anything, _it’d be vaping cherry flavored water._ So Hanbin was confused. Why did the barista look almost frantic as he was being dragged along like a rag doll?

Hanbin froze. _What’s the possibility of him being drugged?_ Not the roofies that were thrown carelessly into random cups of alcohol, but the _dangerous_ kind. The chemical laced drug that could mess with someone’s mind in the worst way possible. In a way where a person couldn’t really grasp what they were doing, unclear of their actions but somehow still had a weak grip on them. It was the kind of drug that benefitted only one side and left the other wondering, _I want this, right? I would say no if I didn’t, right?_

Hanbin’s worry grew until it was too big to ignore and even then, he was still too hesitant. Because what if he was wrong about this whole thing? What if Jiwon wasn’t fucked up on something illegal and he’d just had a little bit too much to drink? What if Jiwon just liked being roughed up and he really _did_ want to go with that man? Hanbin could imagine the embarrassment already. Going in to save someone who wasn’t looking to be saved. _God, I’d probably just end up cock blocking him. Just go home, Hanbin. You’re being fucking ridiculous._

 

But Hanbin didn’t go home. Instead, he turned around and headed back inside the club, drawing his way towards the restrooms. He _prayed to God_ that he was wrong. Because being wrong was a hundred times better than the possibility that splayed out in Hanbin’s mind. He’d take getting embarrassed over Jiwon actually get hurt any _fucking_ day. And if the possibility somehow became a reality, Hanbin swore that _foreign fuck boy will never see the light of day again._

 

“Fuck, baby. Keep your eyes open for me, honey. Don’t you wanna have fun with me? We’re barely getting started.”

Hanbin heard the whimpers coming from Jiwon’s mouth as soon as he stepped into the practically empty bathroom, only one stall occupied. The bile grew in his throat as he heard the disgusting words being spilled from the man’s mouth, nothing from Jiwon except drowsy sighs and _scared_ whimpers.

“I don’t think I feel so good..”

The man growled, uncaring and cold, “You’re fucked out of your mind, honey. How about shutting up and putting that pretty mouth to work?”

Jiwon whimpered a shaky, unsure _okay_ , and that was enough for Hanbin to know it was certainly _not okay._ He quickly made his way to the only occupied stall, which was carelessly unlocked so Hanbin had no probably slamming the door open.

“What the fuck, man?!“

Hanbin saw red as he took in the scene before him. Jiwon with big, innocent eyes glassy with unshed tears was on his knees in front of the blonde man, looking up at Hanbin with confusion and _relief_.

The blonde man seemed to be growing even more annoyed as seconds ticked by, Hanbin not saying a word. “Look man, we got here first and I’m pretty sure the other stalls are empty. Just get the fuck out.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

The foreigner looked _pissed_ and he turned around to face Hanbin, zipping up his pants with no shame and pushing Jiwon aside until he hit the wall of the stall, soft whimper coming out of his mouth.

“Excuse me?”

But if the man was pissed, Hanbin was _livid._ How dare he push Jiwon aside as if he wasn’t planning to _fuck_ the boy’s mouth only moments prior and calling him _honey_. But of course the taller man never cared for Jiwon, only his saw his pliant body as a random fuck toy.

“Can’t you see he’s fucked up out of his mind? He doesn’t know what he’s doing.”

The blonde man laughed, “What the fuck do you know? We’ve both had lots to drink, right _honey?_ ” and looked at Jiwon expectantly. But the other boy didn’t answer, eyes glazed over as he stared at the fluorescent lights on the ceiling above.

Hanbin’s glare hardened and he taunted the other male, “What the fuck do _I know?_ I know exactly what you disgusting fucks do. Drugged a poor boy up just because you can’t find someone _willing_ to fuck you?”

The other male’s eyes widened a bit, looking over at Jiwon nervously, “Shut the fuck up, you don’t-“

Hanbin sneered, cold eyes piercing, “How about going to a whore house and not a club? I’m sure you can _buy_ yourself someone to fuck.”

The blonde man swung at him but Hanbin swiftly dodged it, his fist making contact with the metal stall door instead of Hanbin’s cheek.

“You fucking-“

Hanbin stopped him, punching the man straight in the nose, hearing the delightful crunch of a broken bone. “People like you disgust me.”

The foreign male slid down the wall, gripping his nose and groaning in pain. And Hanbin really wanted to stop there and let it go but the little bit of humanity in him had dissipated.

He leaned down throwing a few hard punches at the man’s face, the latter male grabbing at Hanbin’s tie in attempt to choke him. But Hanbin pried his weak fingers off before standing up again and kicking at the man’s sides with the toe of his _Armani_ dress shoes, until the blonde male was laying on the dirty floor, helpless to any defense.

“You’re so fucking pathetic.”

But the words fell to death ears because the older male had passed out, beaten and bloody. Hanbin wanted to spit on him for good measure, but that wouldn’t be _classy_ of him, so instead he straightened his tie and brushed his hair with his fingers.

Hanbin looked over at Jiwon, panic washing over him when he saw the the latter too, had his eyes closed. _Oh, fuck._ He looked angrily at the bruised body next to him, “Just what the fuck did you give him?!”

But Hanbin knew there would be no answer. So instead, he crouched down gently in front of the barista.

“Jiwon?“

A small whimper left the pouty lips and Hanbin suppressed the urge to lean forward and kiss them.

“Jiwon, it’s me Hanbin. Can you wake up for me, love?”

Jiwon’s eyelids fluttered before his eyes opened, bleary and unfocused. “Hanbin? Iced Milk and honey Hanbin?”

Hanbin’s heart broke at how soft Jiwon sounded, “Yeah, that’s me.”

The barista looked confused, “What are you doing here?”

Hanbin looked sheepish, blush rising on his cheeks, “I’ll tell you later, Jiwon. You’re not in a good state right now. Did you drink a lot?”

Jiwon frowned, eyes crinkled in uncertainty, “I don’t know but I don’t feel so good.”

Looking at the boy in worry, Hanbin pressed his hand against Jiwon’s forehead. He was burning up. _Fuck._ “Jiwon, do you think you can get on my back?”

When Jiwon nodded wordlessly, Hanbin turned so that his back was facing the barista and Jiwon slipped his arms around Hanbin’s neck, his cheek pressed against the top of the other’s shoulder.

Hanbin picked them up out of the stall and made their way out the club, leaving the blonde man unconscious in the bathroom stall. Hanbin shivered as he felt Jiwon’s breath come out in little puffs against his neck.

Jiwon lifted his head a little and leaned down closer to whisper in Hanbin’s ear, “ _Thank you for saving me, Hanbin._ ”

 

Hanbin’s face flushed and suddenly his knees felt a bit weak, worried his was going to drop the boy until Jiwon tightened his grip knowingly.

Hanbin gave Jiwon a piggyback ride all the way until they made it outside and to the the parking lot where his red Lamborghini was parked. He unlocked the passenger door and gently placed a sleeping Jiwon into the soft leather seat.

Noting that the boy was asleep and not wanting to wake him, Hanbin decided to take Jiwon back to his penthouse.

The ride was short, a mere 10 minutes before Hanbin was parking in the underground parking infrastructure. He tried his best to be silent as he delicately picked up the barista, carrying him bridal style to the elevator. As the bell signaled that they had made their way to the top floor, _Hanbin’s penthouse_ , he quickly switched on the light before taking off his shoes and toeing his way to the bedroom.

Hanbin laid Jiwon on his bed softly and he stood back to admire the pretty boy in front of him. _He’s so fucking gorgeous._ Not wanting to lose himself in daydreaming, he realized he should probably take Jiwon’s clothes off and into something more comfortable. Hanbin blushed, but luckily no one was able to witness this once-in-a-lifetime moment.

Hanbin quickly pulled off Jiwon’s shoes and stripped him off all his clothes before wondering if he should wash the boy or not. _That’s a little too personal and he’ll probably be creeped out tomorrow._ But Hanbin couldn’t leave the boy like this, laying in his own sweat and something sticky like alcohol.

He decided to wipe the boy down with a wet towel before slipping him into a matching set of silk pajamas. As he fastened the buttons of the top, Hanbin’s fingers made contact with Jiwon’s soft, alabaster skin, and he almost groaned in want.

But this was not the time and Hanbin wasn’t about to get hard while dressing a sleeping boy, albeit _a_ _beautiful_ boy. Instead he quickly finished the job before gently lifting the boy a little until his head hit the plush pillow. Taking one last look at Jiwon, Hanbin sighed and covered him in his fluffy comforter.

He made his way into the bathroom, hoping to go for a quick shower but not wanting Jiwon to wake up. Just like how he’d done with the sleeping boy, he wiped himself down with a wet towel and then pulled on a pair of grey sweatpants with a white t-shirt.

Turning off the light in the bathroom, Hanbin stepped out, grabbing a thick blanket and pillow from the hallway closet and making his way back into the bedroom. Jumping onto the black leather couch, adjacent from the king sized bed, Hanbin covered himself with the blanket and stared into the darkness.

Content with hearing Jiwon’s _cute, little_ snores, Hanbin never would’ve thought a shitty day at the office would turn into something so much more eventful. And he even had a pretty boy in his bed. Not exactly how he wanted Jiwon in his bed, but still in his bed nevertheless.

_I can’t wait to have the awkward conversation about me knocking out his potential fuck and bringing him to my home tomorrow._

Hanbin sighed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, this is nothing like uncontrollably fond i'm sorry LOL. hopefully something from the drama ties in soon because that's what inspired me from the beginning. I hope you guys like the story nevertheless!! ily ^_^


	5. V.

 

“Hanbin?”

“Hanbin, wake up!!”

“Please wake up. I’m gonna be late to work, oh my god!”

Hanbin felt himself being shook awake roughly by the shoulders and he blearily opened his eyes. Inches away from his face was Jiwon’s very own, eyes wide and frantic as he shook Hanbin manically.

Hanbin gasped in surprise when he awoke to a pretty boy on top of him, pink lips so close to his own- _his breath smelled minty fresh too, did he brush his teeth already?_ Hanbin was so shocked that he accidentally leaned up and knocked his forehead with Jiwon’s, who groaned in pain, clutching his forehead and falling backwards onto the bed.

For a few seconds, it was eerily quiet. The two boys stared at each other in silence, Hanbin propped against his pillows and Jiwon balancing himself from the fall across the bed.  Then—

“Shit, Jiwon. I’m so sorry!”

“Ugh, Hanbin. You’re so not getting a free coffee because of that!!”

Hanbin’s eyes widened _because this boy is just too fucking adorable_ and he quickly retaliated with a witty comment, “Me? How about being shook awake like a rag doll? I think I deserve a little something, love.”

Jiwon blushed prettily and Hanbin’s never been more proud of himself for being such a smooth thinker. He was never the best at flirting but maybe at 23, he was at his prime. The barista looked at Hanbin through his fluffy bangs and pouted, “I really need you to take me to work because I looked out your window and I have no idea where I am..”

Hanbin snorted, “We’re still in Seoul, Jiwon. I live in Gangnam district.”

Cheeks still pink, Jiwon started fiddling with his fingers, sitting cross legged on the bed across from Hanbin. He looked up, embarrassed, “I’m from Yeonnam-dong so I’m not used to the fancier parts of Seoul.”

Hanbin’s heart melted at the shy boy, “That’s near Hongdae, right? You’ll have to show me around sometime, I heard the art district is the best.”

The bunny-like boy flashed a grin so bright, Hanbin was stunned for a few seconds before he turned to concentrate on the words coming out of Jiwon’s pretty pink mouth, “Yeah! It’s so beautiful at night and the street food is honestly amazing. The honey pancakes are the best in the nation!!”

Jiwon frowned as he continued, “I haven’t been there in awhile though. I miss my mom..”

Hanbin tilted his head, curious about the cute boy on his bed, “How come?”

The barista pulled his teeth over his plush bottom lip before replying almost sadly, “I’m a student at Yonsei University and the bus trip back home really builds up after awhile.”

_A student at Yonsei? That explains the part-time job at the cafe._

Before even thinking the words over, Hanbin blurts out, “I can take you to Yeonnam-dong sometime, if you want.”

Jiwon’s eyes widened in surprise, “Wait Hanbin, really? You’d do that for me? But why?” His looked down shyly before whispering, “We barely know each other.”

Hanbin’s heart thumped heavily in his chest, _it’s now or never,_ “But I want to. I really want to get to know you better, Jiwon.”

Jiwon’s mouth fell open, shocked was an understatement. Hanbin quickly realized he might’ve messed up and rushed to say, “You don’t have to say anything right now, Jiwon!! Just please think about it. Okay now let’s get you to work, you’re probably late already.”

And just like that, Jiwon was back, eyes shiny with life, “Oh shit, yeah I have to get to work, Jinan’s gonna kill me.”

_The bunny curses, huh? Cute._

Jiwon jumped off the bed, and brushed off his clothes before turning around to look at Hanbin, “Also, I used your toothbrush.. I hope you don’t mind but I really needed to get the gross alcohol taste out of my mouth.”

This time, Hanbin’s mouth fell open in surprise, _that’s like an indirect kiss, right?_ He felt like a high schooler again, getting excited over the stupidest things and he hurriedly brushed his thoughts off, “Yeah, it’s fine. Wait but Jiwon, we really should talk about what happened last night. Are you okay?”

Jiwon crinkled his nose, not really wanting to talk about it right now, “Let’s talk later. Some of us actually have to work to make a living. I’m a starving college student, remember?”

Hanbin laughed, _he’s really something._ “How can I forget when you literally shook awake this morning, screaming about needing to go to work?”

“You clashed foreheads _with_ _me_!!”

Hanbin put his hands up in mock defense, “Okay, okay. Let’s actually get going or else you might just get fired.”

“Nah, I won’t. Everyone there loves me too much, including the boss. I might stop getting freebies though.”

Hanbin smiled. _Too fucking cute._

 

10 minutes later, the two boys were sitting in Hanbin’s red Lamborghini as the latter drove Jiwon to work. The ride had been mostly silent, with the barista dozing off to sleep, listening to the comforting keys of piano.

As Hanbin parked on the curb outside of PLATTE, Jiwon woke up, rubbing at his eyes sleepily. Hanbin turned off the engine and turned to look at the tired barista, “Jiwon, we really need to talk about what happened last night.”

Jiwon groaned but nodded, “Okay, we will. I’m off at work at 7 tonight, do you want to talk here after? I can get us free drinks.”

Hanbin smiled, shaking his head, “How about a free meal? My treat.”

Laughing, Jiwon replied, “You’re really taking the whole starving college student thing seriously. But okay that sounds nice, I’ll never turn down free food. Especially when a hot guy is buying.”

Surprised at Jiwon’s blatant flirting, Hanbin asked, “Can I walk you in?”

Jiwon blushed, rubbing at the back of his neck shyly, “Actually it’s better if you don’t. Jinan’s gonna blame you as the reason why I’m late. And I want you to leave a good impression the first time you meet him. He’s my best friend.”

Hanbin nodded understandingly, _the shortie’s his best friend, not his boyfriend? Thank fuck._ “Okay, love. I’ll pick you up at seven, then?”

Jiwon was already at the door, smiling and waving goodbye, “See you, Hanbin!! Thank you for the ride, I’ll bring you an iced milk and honey coffee when you come later!”

And then Jiwon was rushing into the cafe, and Hanbin was left sitting in the car, big smile adorning his face. Even with the pounding headache of a hangover and the little red mark on his forehead, Hanbin thinks, _I wouldn’t mind waking up to this this every morning._

 

 

_***_

 

Hours later, Hanbin found himself sitting in his office, watching the minutes tick by on the face of his _gold Rolex_ as he waited impatiently for the bigger hand to slowly approach the 7.

_God, what am I doing?_

Hanbin‘s no stranger to going on dates with beautiful, eccentric people but this is the first time in his 23 years that he’s ever felt this excited. He felt giddy and nervous and _hot_ but he loved it. Hanbin loved the burn and the exhilaration and the thrill of whatever this was. He thinks it’s better than any high he’s ever felt and Hanbin really wouldn’t mind riding this one out for a long, long time.

_Is this what falling in love feels like?_

But that’s the thought that scared him the most. Falling in love is dangerous; it’s delicate and risky and Hanbin’s seen what _bad_ love could do to a person. Fragile hearts turned into stone cold glass. Love was liquid venom, trickling into the blood stream until it consumed everything and _you_ were left with nothing.

Hanbin’s never seen pure, _good_ love and for that, he doesn’t believe in it. Doesn’t think true love can exist when he knows people are _deceiving_ , they’re _dirty_ , and they _lie_. Hanbin, himself, was not made out of genuine love, but only _raw lust._ Or maybe it had been love, but most definitely not the _good_ kind, it was the kind of love that was one-sided and left Hanbin’s father broken, wondering _why’d you leave? What about our son? What about me?_

Growing up, Hanbin had seen his father’s sad eyes and how sometimes he would go for days not talking to anyone, overworking himself to the point of exhaustion and even landing himself in the hospital a few times. At night, Hanbin would sometimes sneak into his father’s bedroom seeking warmth and comfort, but instead he’d find his father alone, shaking with teary eyes and sad cries. The sight was unforgettable and scary, and little Hanbin would run back to his own room, left wondering _why is appa crying? Who made him this way? Why are they doing that to him?_

And as Hanbin grew older, he realized it was his own mother who broke his father’s heart. Ran away from them both before Hanbin ever even got the chance to mumble “eomma”.

So yeah, Hanbin didn’t believe in love. How could he when knows just how deceitful and evil people could be? Everyday at the office, he hears his secretary exclaiming about new gifts her boyfriend bought her when just two floors down, the same boyfriend is _fucking_ another woman. Love couldn’t be real when people willingly hurt the ones they claim to love in ways that shattered them and left them with unexplainable scars. Scars that they tried to heal with expensive gifts, as if they were covering up shallow cuts with small bandaids.

Hanbin’s no angel, but he won’t ever feign a saint, won’t try to cover up his sins with pretentious words and shiny accessories.

Hanbin couldn’t be falling in love, because this feeling blooming in his chest was something so much bigger than the small definition he knew of. The feeling was beautiful and bright and _pure_ and it was nothing like the dirty, malicious thing he knew of as _love_. No, this was better than that vile word and if Hanbin could create an entire new meaning to describe what he felt for Jiwon, he would in a heartbeat.

 

Glancing down at his watch that read _6:27_ , Hanbin groaned. _This day feels like it’s gone on for-fucking ever._ He sits up straight in his chair and decides to just go early and visit Jiwon while he’s still working. Because really, Hanbin just wants an easy excuse to go and see the beautiful boy.

As he walks out of his office, everyone on the floor immediately stops chattering and his secretary finally zips her mouth shut, standing up to bow at Hanbin respectfully.

Hanbin stares at all his employees and it’s almost sad how he doesn’t even know all their names, much less recognize their faces. He stands there with his blazer thrown over his shoulder and scratches his neck awkwardly before looking directly at his secretary because she’s the only he really knows.

“Uh- so I’m gonna be heading out early. You’re all free to go too, if you want. Have a goodnight, guys.”

Hanbin walks towards the elevator and as soon as the door opens, the chatter starts up again and he can hear his name being thrown around. The loud, obnoxious voice of his secretary sounding extra squeaky in his ears.

“The boss _never_ leaves that early, I wonder where he’s going.”

“I bet he’s off to meet a secret girlfriend.”

“Wait-Hanbin is seeing someone?”

“I mean, have you seen him? I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Bet he’s wicked in bed too.”

Hanbin rolled his eyes as he listened to very _inappropriate_ comments being made about him and turned around so he was facing the entire floor. Just as the elevator doors were closing, he made direct eye contact with the paper boy, letting him know Hanbin had heard his _dirty remark_. Hanbin’s pretty sure death was alive in his stare, judging by how the boy turned sickly pale and dropped all the papers he was holding. Left alone in the mirrored elevator, Hanbin smirked.

 

He steps out into the lobby and walks towards the big glass doors opening to Seoul at a leisurely pace, not wanting to look too much like a _try hard._ But in all honesty, Hanbin is _dying_ to see Jiwon, can’t wait to see a piece of the sun, and he’s not talking about the one in the sky.

Minutes later, Hanbin’s cruising down the busy streets, feeling giddy with excitement as he sings along with the Big Bang songs blasting on the speakers. Eyes, Nose, Lips by Taeyang starts playing and Hanbin finds himself thinking about Jiwon.

_Your eyes, nose, lips_

_Your touch that used to touch me_

_To the ends of your fingertips_

_I can still feel you_

Hanbin thinks about Jiwon’s eyes, sparkling pools of melted chocolate and he wonders how pretty they’d look brimming with tears as he begs for _more._ He thinks about Jiwon’s plush pink lips and wonders how’d they feel on his own. Hanbin pictures how Jiwon would look _wrecked_ , teary eyes with bitten red lips, puffy and raw. And suddenly Hanbin’s filled with _want_. He wants badly to ravish the boy, wants to tear him apart in pleasure, wants to hear him beg for it.

Then he realizes that he’s practically popped a boner and Hanbin flushes in embarrassment. _What am I? A fucking prepubescent teenager? What the fuck, Hanbin._

The rest of the ride is silent with Hanbin trying to will down his _dick_ and trying to keep the dirty thoughts out of his mind.

Rolling up to PLATTE, he sees two boys outside of the cafe, seemingly talking. As he drives closer and closer, Hanbin recognizes the two as Jinhwan and the taller boy he was with at the club. He’s immediately taken back to that night and he remembers feeling so incredibly angry for thinking that the smaller barista was cheating on Jiwon. Looking back, Hanbin feels embarrassed for ever having those irrational thoughts and almost acting out on his anger.

Hanbin parks on the curb outside of the cafe just as the two boys walk back inside.  He steps out of the Lamborghini and carefully straightens his tie before thinking it’s a bit too much and just throws it into the back of the car. He wants to looks causal, and not like a _try hard_. But as Hanbin smooths down his dress shirt and makes sure it’s tucked into his pants neatly, he can’t help but think that’s an accurate representation of him.

As soon as Hanbin walks into the cafe, he’s met with the smell of fresh coffee and Jiwon’s cheerful laughter. He quickly spots out the boy who’s wiping down tables with the brightest smile, making even the most mundane aspects of his job fun. At the cash register is Jinhwan, taking orders cheerily, the mysterious tall boy gone once again.

Hanbin takes a deep breath before approaching the boy gently, “Hey, Jiwon.”

Jiwon turns around, confused for a second before looking at Hanbin and then taking a glance at the clock, “Hanbin!! You’re really early, I’m not off for like another 15 minutes.”

Hanbin nods, “Yeah, that’s fine. I just couldn’t really wait to see you.”

_Fuck, was that too much? I’m so creepy, jesus._

Jiwon flushes, looking down at the table, washcloth still in his grip. “I-..”

“Jiwonie, who’s this?” Jinhwan, standing at the counter was looking interestedly at the two boys since no new customers were coming in and there was a dull stop in orders.

Jiwon stared at Jinhwan before panicking and shooting a look towards Hanbin, asking for _help_.

Hanbin got the message and he looked at Jinhwan, “I’m Hanbin, Jiwon’s potential boyfriend. _Shit_. Wait, fuck, I mean I’m Jiwon’s friend.”

_Potential boyfriend?? What the fuck, Bin._

The smaller barista looked amused, “Potential boyfriend? Are you the hot guy that Jiwon’s been talking about, with fancy clothes and _eyes_ _to die for_?”

Jiwon squeaked, just now finding his voice, “Jinani! Hanbin’s just my friend, please.”

Hanbin frowned, “But, we’re going on a date in like 10 minutes.”

Spluttering, Jiwon flung his hand over Hanbin’s mouth, preventing him from saying anymore.

“Jinan, I swear...”

The fairy-featured boy giggled before he decided to stop embarrassing his best friend, “Okay, Jiwon. I mean you can leave now if you wanna go on your date.”

“It’s not a date!!”

Mumbling from under Jiwon’s hand, Hanbin tried his best to convey his words, “It kind of is, love.”

Jiwon looked at him incredulously before pulling him out of the cafe, other hand still covering his mouth. He looked at Jinhwan, “We’re leaving now. I’ll see you, hyung!!”

Jinhwan’s eyes sparkled before giving a quick wink at the boy, “Be safe, Jiwonie!!"

As soon as the two boys had stumbled out of the cafe, Jiwon removed his hand from Hanbin’s mouth and let go of the tight grip on his wrist.

Standing out side of the window, Jiwon must’ve forgotten that Jinhwan could see them because as soon as he stepped outside, he shied away from Hanbin, no longer holding the confident act he put on in front of his best friend.

 

Rubbing the back of his neck nervously, Jiwon stared at the ground. “I’m sorry about him.. he’s just so embarrassing.” His eyes widened before looking longingly back into the cafe, "I forgot your iced coffee.." 

Hanbin grinned, “No worries.Do I really have eyes to die for though?”

Jiwon blushed profusely, mumbling a cute “Shut up!!” and punching Hanbin in the arm.

Surprised at Jiwon’s strength, Hanbin winces in pain. _Muscle bunny?_ “Shit, ouch. You sure pack one hell of a punch, Jiwon.”

Automatically feeling guilty, Jiwon exclaims, “Oh my god! Are you okay, Hanbin? I really didn’t mean to hit you that hard, I’m so sorry.”

Hanbin laughs, _he’s too fucking cute._ “Nah, let’s consider it payback from this morning.”

Jiwon still feels bad but he nods unsurely, “I’m sorry, Bin..”

Hanbin’s heart swelled. _Bin? I love the way it sounds coming from his lips._ “I like it when you call me that.”

Before Jiwon could say anything, Hanbin quickly blurts out, “Let’s go, I made dinner reservations at 7.”

Jiwon smiles, with crinkled eyes and lots of teeth, “Okay, _Bin._ ”

 

~

 

“Woah, Hanbin!! This place is huge!”

“Yeah, it’s beautiful. I wanted our first date to be memorable.”

“D-date? I thought you were kidding  earlier.”

Hanbin frowns, “This doesn’t have to be a date if you don’t want it to be. We can just talk and get to know each other.”

Jiwon shakes his head wildly, “No, I want it to be!! I’m just being awkward, I’m sorry.”

Hanbin looks at Jiwon with gentle eyes, “Hey, don’t apologize. You’re cute enough to just ignore the awkward.”

“Yah!!”

Hanbin laughs before grabbing Jiwon’s hand into his own, walking them towards the door of the restaurant. Once they were inside, Hanbin looks at the maitre de standing behind a podium looking at a list swarming with names. “Table for two under _Kim Hanbin_.”

The host stares at the two boys, looking up and down each one. She overlooks Hanbin with his fancy dress clothes and flashy gold watch, but a look of distaste crosses her face when she reaches Jiwon. Taking in his ratty black uniform and worn out vans, she looks almost worried glancing towards the sides of the restaurant before mumbling something into her ear piece.

A moment later, a man wearing a back suit comes out and approaches the three. He pointedly looks at Jiwon, bored look stretching across his features, “I’m sorry sir, but we have a strict dress code here at _Pierre Gagnaire_."

Jiwon’s face falls, “I-...”

“We’re going to have to ask you to leave or come back after you’ve been dressed appropriately.”

Hanbin grits his teeth and tries to push down his anger as he looks at the man, “He’s with me.”

“And who are you?”

Glancing towards Jiwon, he sees the look of embarrassment and uncomfortableness settle in his eyes, and he decides _it’s just not worth it._

Hanbin looks back at the man, “You know what, that’s not important. We’ll gladly go somewhere else.”

Uninterested, the male host doesn’t even look at them, “Have a good evening, messieurs.”

Hanbin takes Jiwon’s hand in his own again and as they’re walking towards the thick glass doors, he looks back over his shoulder. “I’m Kim Hanbin, by the way.”

As the door closes Hanbin misses the shocked faces of the hosts, but he hears the man exclaim, “How could you not recognize the name when you were checking the list?!” Hanbin can only imagine the priceless look plastered on his  grim face, and he laughs.

Once outside in the cold air, Hanbin looks at Jiwon, about to suggest another place to eat at. But before he could, the barista pulls his hand away, awkwardly limp at his sides, and looks at Hanbin, “I’m so sorry, Hanbin. I should’ve gone home and changed. I’m really sorry for embarrassing  you or something.” His eyes water a little bit and Hanbin’s heart shatters.

He pulls the boy into a warm hug and whispers into his ear, “Jiwon, no. It’s not your fault at all. They’re just pretentious  assholes.  Fuck Pierre, let’s go find some place and eat jajangmyeon and tteokbokki!!”

 

 

 

And that’s how they end up sitting on plastic stools with a small table in between, holding skewers of fried fish cakes and balancing a split container of spicy rice cakes, two bowls of jajangmyeon, and two cans of Sprite. The two boys ended up ditching Hanbin’s Lamborghini-he’ll pick it up later- and opted to walk into downtown Seoul, bright and alive with live music, street vendors, and lots of food stands.

Jiwon had dragged Hanbin towards the closest tteokbokki stand and together, they ordered a feast. As Hanbin struggled to hold all of the food, Jiwon spotted a scattered tables a few feet away.

Now, as they sat in a dimly lit park, breathing in the night air, eating high-calorie street food and watching live performers, Hanbin couldn’t be more content with his life. For the first time, he felt _genuinely happy_.

He looked across the table and saw Jiwon, watching the street dancers intently, with a little bit of red sauce lingering on his lips and Hanbin resisted the urge to lick it off for him. Instead, he opted to wipe it away with a napkin.

Surprised, Jiwon turned to Hanbin with a questioning look.

“You had a little something..” Hanbin said lamely.

Jiwon giggled. “Ah, thanks Bin.”

The two boys went on like that, talking about each other’s lives and feeding small bites of their food to one another, as Jiwon urged Hanbin to _try these fish cakes!!_ The night went on and Hanbin was sure he was falling in love with the barista. He could only hope the latter was feeling the same.

It was getting late when the boys finished eating but Hanbin didn’t want Jiwon to go yet.

“How about some ice cream, love?”

Jiwon lit up like a light and nodded excitedly. They walked to a small ice cream stand and each boy ordered a cone, Hanbin’s coffee flavored and Jiwon’s was milk and honey. _Very fitting._

Finding a bench to sit on, Hanbin turned to Jiwon, ice cream cone in hand. “Jiwon, let’s talk about what happened the other night. I feel like we’ve been avoiding it all this time.”

Lapping at his ice cream, Jiwon looked away anxiously, “That’s because I have been.”

Hanbin cocked his head, “Why? Do you not remember?

Jiwon looked anywhere but at Hanbin’s eyes, “No, I do. But it’s just.. I was so fucked up and I don’t even know why. I honestly didn’t think I was drinking that much.”

“What about the guy you were with?”

“See that’s the thing. I don’t even know where he came from, but one second he was across the dance floor and the next thing I know, he’s next to me and we’re making out.”

Hanbin grimaced, the picture in his head _too real_ , and remembered it all too well. “Did you like it?”

”I- I don’t know. I felt like I should’ve but when he started dragging me to the bathroom, all I wanted to do was to go home and sleep.”

 

By now, the ice cream in Hanbin’s hand had started to melt and his grip was so tight that the cone was threatening to shatter, coffee cream dripping everywhere. He stood up without a word, trudging to the nearest trashcan and tossing the melted cone. Hanbin worried the anger building up in him would spill out, not daring to turn around and face Jiwon.

_How dare that foreign asshole deliberately try to hurt the purest boy on earth?_

“Hanbin..?”

Hanbin broke, “Jiwon, he drugged you!!”

Jiwon stared at him dejectedly, shoulders slumping down, “I- I know. I’m sorry, Hanbin.”

“Wait what, you knew? And what the fuck are you apologizing for, Jiwon?”

The barista flinched at his harsh tone and all Hanbin wanted to do was to shove those words back into his mouth. He turned around to face the boy and tried again, “Jiwon, you have nothing to apologize for. What that asshole did was so fucked up and I’m just sorry that it happened to you.”

Jiwon stared at Hanbin, lost stars trapped in his eyes, “I don’t know what I’m sorry for, really. It’s just.. I was there, you know, when you guys were fighting. Yeah, I was completely out of it but I could still hear you talking.”

 _Shit._ Jiwon had heard everything- the crunch of bones breaking, the malicious words Hanbin had spat out. What if he starts to view him differently? _What if he sees_ _Hanbin as an inhumane monster?_

Hanbin looked away, couldn’t bare to see Jiwon’s face, worried he’ll find fear in his eyes _because of him_. “I’m..-“

_I’m sorry._

“Thank you, Hanbin.”

Hanbin’s eyes widened, why was Jiwon thanking him? Wasn’t he disgusted? Wasn’t he scared?

He stayed silent as Jiwon went on, “Seriously, Hanbin. I don’t know what could’ve happened if you didn’t show up just then,” Jiwon’s eyes welled with glossy, unshed tears, lips trembling, “Thank you for saving me.”

Hanbin let out a sigh he didn’t knew he’d been holding, “Jiwon..”

But no words came out. Instead he pulled Jiwon off the bench into a frantic hug, wrapping his arms around the boy’s waist, burying his face into his hair. It was a little awkward because the barista was maybe an inch or so taller and he was kind of tense, but Jiwon relaxed in his grip and wrapped his own arms around Hanbin’s neck. “Bin..?”

Hanbin mumbled into Jiwon’s fluffy brown hair, “I don’t want you to be scared of me, Jiwon.”

“I’m not scared of you.”

Shocked, Hanbin pulled back a little so that he was looking at the other boy, “You’re not? But I broke that guy’s nose.. and God, I said some messed up shit. I’m sorry you had to hear that, Jiwon.”

Jiwon shrugged, still encased in Hanbin’s arms, “Like you said, he drugged me. The asshole got what he deserved.”

Hanbin closed his eyes, heart pounding loud in his chest; he felt so, so relieved.

“Jiwon, I-I think I’m falling for you.”

The barista laughed, “Really? We’ve only been on one date though.”

Hanbin frowned, “You were in my bed before!!”

“Yeah, but not in the way you want, I bet.”

Eyes wide, Hanbin let out a scandalous gasp, “Jiwon! Who taught you to talk like that?”

Jiwon broke into a fit of giggles, “Bin, just because you’re old doesn’t mean I’m a child.”

“Yah, I’m only 23!!”

The two boys fell back onto the bench, laughing about everything and nothing. They talked until they were the only two left in the park, the moon shining brightly above them. Hanbin loved the glimmer in Jiwon’s eyes and how genuine his words sounded even if was talking about something as silly as rice kimbap. Hanbin loved the way his eyes crinkled whenever he laughed and how his nose scrunched whenever Hanbin said something he didn’t agree with.

Hanbin was falling hard, and he wasn’t afraid to admit it. Somewhere along the way, Hanbin had stopped listening to the words spilling out of Jiwon’s mouth, instead he stared at the boy’s plump lips, wondering how’d they feel pressed against his.

Jiwon had noticed that Hanbin was no longer paying attention and he trailed off, “Hanbin...?”

“Can I kiss you, Jiwon?”

Stunned, Jiwon nodded unsurely. Hanbin lit up, eyes glazed with desire and anticipation,and he scooted closer to the barista. He gently cupped the younger’s face and pressed a feather-light kiss to his lips. _So sweet._ Jiwon had responded to the chaste kiss well, and he grabbed the back of Hanbin’s neck, pulling him closer. Amused by the bold move, Hanbin moved one hand to grip Jiwon’s hair, applying more pressure to the kiss, nipping Jiwon’s plush lips with his teeth, playfully. The barista let out a breathy whimper and Hanbin took the chance to slip his tongue into Jiwon’s mouth. He tasted so good, sweet from the honey ice cream he had earlier, and Hanbin couldn’t get enough of the taste, delving deeper into his mouth.

A few minutes later, Jiwon pulled back, needing to breathe. He looked like _a wreck_ with his messy hair, dilated pupils, and lips all puffy and raw, bitten red by Hanbin. He looked _gorgeous._ And Hanbin wanted more. So he pulls the boy in for another kiss and Jiwon easily accepts, falling into Hanbin’s dark eyes and sweet mouth. “I think I’m falling for you too, Hanbin.”

 

Even with getting kicked out of a fancy restuarant and going on a first date as simple as street tteobokki and fried fish cakes, as the two boys sit there on the bench sneaking kisses and holding hands, Hanbin thinks _this really is going to be memorable._

And he knows the lines blur when he’s stuck between thinking _let’s keep this a secret, no one has to know_ and _let me show the world you’re mine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just a bunch of fluff, im sorry.


	6. VI.

 

_Pride; vanity and excess belief in one’s own abilities,_ _the souls of the proud are bent over by carrying the weight of huge stones._

 

_Envy; resentment and desire of other people’s happiness,_ _having derived pleasure from seeing others brought low, the eyes of the envious have been sewn shut._

 

_Gluttony; selfishness and overindulgence,_ _the gluttonous are starved in the presence of fruitful trees that are forever out of reach._

 

_Lust; tempting in arousal and seduction,_ _the lustful walk through flames in attempt to purge themselves of sinful thought._

 

_Wrath; self destruction and rage, the_ _wrathful forever wander in a cloud of black smoke, a manifestation of anger that clouded their minds._

 

_Greed; avarice and selfish desire for wealth and power,_ _the greedy lie face down on the ground, as their eyes had been fixed on only earthly things._

 

_Sloth; laziness and insufficiency of love,_ _the slothful will forever be preoccupied with running around the terrance without rest._

 

The _seven deadly sins_ as described in _Dante’s Purgatorio_ hit Hanbin in the worst forms of self-realization. Hell, it freaked Hanbin out and he wasn’t even religious.

But the more Hanbin thought about it, the more he recognized himself falling into each sin. He was the epitome of all seven, the first being too _prideful_ \- the father of all sins.

And it’s not like Hanbin was conceited or cocky, he hated arrogance and fake pretentiousness. But Hanbin was built on price and growing up in a lap of luxury meant every inch of his demeanor screamed _egotistic._ He exuded confidence and poise and everything Hanbin did was perfect, _had_ to be perfect- he might have OCD too but  _that's debatable._

But despite being a proud asshole, Hanbin  was envious. Envious of other people’s happiness and never being happy himself. He wondered how people could be so happy when they didn’t deserve it, covering up their ugly sins with loud laughter and sunny smiles. _Maybe I don’t deserve it either._

Gluttonous _,_ another word for extra. Hanbin had grown up wealthy and having a luxurious life handed to him as a baby meant that he was used to the brand names and the expensive cars. He drowned in his pressed Armani suits, gold watches, and authentic leather dress shoes. _If I can’t be happy, at least I can buy cool stuff._

Hanbin knew he was lustful. Hell, he loved a good one-night fuck. Didn’t need someone holding him down and pushing the responsibility of a _relationship_ onto him. He just wanted to be free, free to fuck whoever, whenever. _Unattached sex is the way to go._

Being wrathful hit Hanbin hard. Years of neglect and loneliness had built Hanbin into a cold, hard shell. A ticking time bomb, ready to self destruct at any second, Hanbin was heavy with rage and uncertainty. Being a semi addicted coke-head who liked to drink didn’t really help and Hanbin thought he was on a road to suicide. _I don’t really mind though._

Hanbin was greedy. Having been shoved  into a high CEO position of one of the biggest corporations in Seoul, Hanbin was forced to be greedy. He had to be the top dog, had to make the most and had to be the best, or else someone would steal the spot from right under him classifying him as _incompetent_. _Money’s cool and all, I guess._

Slothful. Is it possible to be a workaholic but lazy at the same time? Maybe it’s because Hanbin lacked an insufficient amount of love and feeling, so he was always lazing around on his ass, doing nothing. He’d rather stay cooped up in his penthouse or in his office than go outside. Unless he was going to a nightclub and getting high. _Life has no meaning, why should I bother? Maybe I should get a dog? I want one._

But everything changed after he met Jiwon. He found meaning in the boy that bloomed sunshine with every step. Call it cheesy but Hanbin felt he found a life worth living if it meant to be with Jiwon.

 

But everything changed after he met Jiwon. He found meaning in the boy that bloomed sunshine with every step. Call it cheesy but Hanbin felt he found a life worth living if it meant to be with Jiwon.

_Being content and being happy are two separate things._

He realized the difference and throughout his whole life, Hanbin had thought he’d been content. Content with his life, not looking for anything more or less; everything was _just okay_. But now he realized the true difference between contentment and genuine happiness.

Genuine happiness meant crinkly eyes and sunny smiles and freckles mapped across cheekbones like constellations. Genuine happiness was cute giggles and breathy moans and hushed whispers throughout the night. Genuine happiness was found in a boy beyond Hanbin’s fingertips, so close but _was he deserving?_

Ever since he’d found Jiwon, Hanbin was no longer content with his old, top-bachelor lifestyle, fucking around and breaking hearts on the way. No longer craving the fiery burn of alcohol in his throat, or _wanting to feel like a young god after injecting magic into his veins._ He just wanted Jiwon and maybe a dog or two to raise with the barista.

Hanbin found himself to be so highly infatuated with the boy. He was so infatuated in his sunny amber eyes that crinkled in the corners whenever he laughed. His eyes shone in beautiful, glossy shades of Jupiter and Saturn and Hanbin _wanted_ to get lost in them, could stare into them for days on end.

He loved Jiwon’s high cheeks bones, slim nose, and a jawline so sharp it could cut glass. Hanbin wondered how a boy with such clean features could look so _soft._ But the boy was so, so pretty with his cute crooked front teeth and rosy pink lips. And Hanbin was so _endeared_ with the barista, he wanted so badly to keep the boy and never return him, never wanted to let him go.

But Hanbin was plagued with the seven deadly sins and probably a hundred more. A boy as pure as Jiwon would never belong to someone as deadly as Hanbin. He was on a one track road to hell but Jiwon was ethereal angel sent from heaven.

Hanbin was selfish. Despite his flaws and all, he couldn’t let anyone else have Jiwon. The boy had stolen a piece of his heart and there was no way Hanbin was letting go. He knew deep in his bones that he didn’t deserve Jiwon as fucked up as he was, but Hanbin thought _I could try._

_I could try to change. I could become a better person. Even if it’s the last thing I’ll ever fucking do, I will become a person who actually deserves Jiwon. I’d give up anything for him, hell- fuck pride, I just want him. I need him._

 

Hanbin was snapped out of his thoughts by loud, obnoxious knocking on his office door. He sighed before rubbing over his tired eyes with sore knuckles, “Come in.”

The annoying clicking sounds of cheap heels against hardwood floor was getting closer and closer and Hanbin could feel a headache coming.

“Mr. Kim, Jisoo would like you to look over these files and sign them before we send them off to Yang Co.”

“Just leave them on my desk, thank you.”

The secretary nodded before heading out, smacking her chewing gum loudly as the heavy door closed. Hanbin rolled his eyes and slouched back in his office chair, tired and already done with the day. All he wanted was to go home and jack off to a certain barista and then enjoy a glass of red wine, continuing his obsession with _Fight For My Way._

Speaking of the bunny-like barista, Hanbin was dying to see him. It’s been a couple of days since they kissed and truth behold, Hanbin missed him an unhealthy amount. He wanted to text Jiwon badly, call him, hear his voice- anything, but he didn’t have his number, regrettably never asking for it.

After that night, Hanbin had called a taxi for the boy, whispering a sweet _goodnight, Jiwon. I’ll see you soon,_ in his ear before walking a long distance back to his car at Pierre. He wondered how the other boy felt and hoped he didn’t feel abandoned after the kiss because Hanbin hadn’t contacted him since then.

On a delirious whim to see the barista, Hanbin stood up and grabbed his car keys from the second drawer of his desk, before throwing his blazer over his shoulder and slinking towards the door. As his fingertips grazed the shiny handle, Hanbin looked at the time. It was 4:47. _Guess I’m clocking out a few hours early. Again._

 

He left the building in a rush, leaving behind the gossipy mumbling of his nosy employees. Hopping into his red Lamborghini, Hanbin checked the rear-view mirror and ran his fingers through his chocolate brown hair, making sure it wasn’t too messy or tangled. He took a deep breath and began to back out of the parking lot, making his way to PLATTE.

Parking on the curb again, Hanbin stepped out of the car and opened the heavy door to the cafe. He looked towards the counter and standing there at the cash register was neither Jiwon nor Jinhwan. Instead, it was a taller male with fluffy black hair, dark eyes lined with kohl, and gauges in his ears. He looked a little bit out of place, six feet tall with a cream colored apron tied around his waist; he looked strangely intimidating.

Hanbin looked for Jiwon but the shop was a bit crowded and he couldn’t spot the bunny boy anywhere. He almost turned around to leave before hearing a familiar laugh ring through the cafe. His heart immediately started thumping hard in his chest and he shakily looked towards the direction of the laughter.

Over the counter, hidden behind a transparent screen was Jiwon with the smaller boy, making drinks cheerfully and giggling at each other. The taller male at the cashier was looking at them with such softness in his eyes, the corners of his mouth turned up slightly. Hanbin felt almost like an intruder, watching something he wasn’t meant to see.

In the serene light of the cafe, soft music playing gently in the speakers, and the muted conversations of the rebellious youth shared over cups of hot coffee, Hanbin felt terribly out of place with his empty eyes and expensive clothes- gold watch glinting in the dimmed light. As Hanbin watched the gentle interactions of all three baristas, the soft touches and light whispers, it was almost like he was invisible to the world.

And it hurt.

The differences between Jiwon and Hanbin himself were so strikingly big and the latter was hit reality once again. They came from two different worlds, Jiwon was meant to be surrounded by soft people who loved and cherished him and Hanbin was made to waste away in his office and fancy galas. He felt somewhat humiliated thinking that he and Jiwon could ever work out- when it was painfully obvious the boy wasn’t even thinking about him.

For the first time in his life, Hanbin felt embarrassed. Showing up to the cafe in hopes of surprising Jiwon felt like a joke when it’s clear the the barista is happy enough without him. He decides to turn around and leave, maybe go turn up at a club or something.

But as he’s walking towards the door he hears a soft, “Hanbin?”

Hanbin turns around to look at the barista calling out for him and one look, he knows he’s whipped, “H-hey Jiwon.”

Jiwon hurriedly opens the little half door thing that separates the counter and the rest of cafe and he steps towards Hanbin. But he went back in as quickly as he came out, red blush building on his cheeks, “Y-you came for coffee right? Sorry, I don’t know why the cashier-cough cough June- didn’t ask for your order. Plus I remember I owe you a iced milk and honey. I’ll make it right now for you.” Jiwon gave a pointed glare to the taller male standing at the cash register lazily, shrugging at the comment.

Hanbin’s mouth dropped open in shock. _He remembers that?_ “Wait, no Jiwon. I came because I wanted to see you.”

Jiwon’s hands stilled and he set down the carton of milk that he was holding,  “Y-you wanted to see me?”

Hanbin nodded unsurely before saying softly, “I never got your number..”

Someone snorts in the background. Hanbin looks to his left and it’s the tall guy with the black hair. The male watches on, lazy interest in his eyes as he watches the awkward interaction. Jinhwan, who was also watching from his spot leaning on the wall, snaps at the tall male’s rudeness, “June!! Shut the fuck up and be nice.”

He looks at Hanbin with excited puppy eyes, “Please excuse him, he’s just my dumb emo boyfriend. So you came to see my Jiwon?”

“I-uhh”

“Guys, please don’t embarrass me. Don’t you have customers to check on.” Jiwon was shying away behind a blender, making Hanbin’s promised ice coffee.

The male at the cash register ignores Jiwon and looks up and down at Hanbin, “Ji, is this like your sugar daddy?”

Jiwon splutters, letting go of his grip on the blender lid in shock, “Junhoe!! Oh my god, no!!! Jinan, what the- can you stop him? Stop laughing, it’s not funny!!”

 

But the smaller, fairy-like barista was too far gone, drowning in his own laughter, “I’m sorry Jiwonie, but that was kind of hilarious.”

Jiwon rolled his eyes before turning back to the drink, pink pout forming on his lips. Hanbin’s heart melted at the cute sight before realizing he was still being scrutinized by the other two baristas.

Foe confidence bloomed in his chest and Hanbin just hope his voice didn’t crack, “Yeah actually, I’d like to be.”

And somehow it felt so silent in a room full of muted conversations, Hanbin gulped. _Why the fuck did you say that, Bin? Really?? A sugar daddy? What the actual fuck._

Hanbin was growing more and more red as the minutes passed with no one reacting. Suddenly Junhoe let out a deep laugh and his smaller boyfriend joined in, “I like this one. Hanbin, you have our blessing to date our son. Make sure you send monthly checks home, please!”

“I’m not your guys’ son!!!! June, I’m older than you. You guys are so embarrassing, fuck.”

Hanbin cracked a tiny smile, “Jiwon, when do you get off? I’ll wait for you.”

“I-“

Jinhwan was quick to interrupt him, grabbing the finished drink out of Jiwon’s hands and shoving it towards Hanbin, “He gets off now. Bye Jiwonie!! Be safe and text us later.”

 

And just like before the two boys tumbled out of the cafe, both blazing red and refusing to look at each other.

Jiwon was the first to crack, his bratty side coming out, “So, you’re my sugar daddy now?”

Hanbin flushed, “S-shut up!!”

“What? You said you wanted to be.”

“Honestly, I don’t even know why I said that.”

Jiwon pouted exaggeratedly, eyebrows knitted together, plump bottom lip sticking out, “So you don’t actually want to?”

_God why was this boy so cute and when did he get so playful?_

“You know I do, baby.”

And it was Jiwon’s turn to blush and turn speechless into putty at Hanbin’s words. But before he could think of something witty to say back, Hanbin was grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the car.

Once they were comfortably seated in the leather seats of Hanbin’s sleek car, Jiwon turned to look at him, “Where are we going?”

Cooly taking a sip of iced coffee, Hanbin replied with the straightest face, “We’re going grocery shopping.”

Jiwon scrunched his nose, “What, why? I’m hungry, can’t we get something to eat first?”

“Jiwon, there’s literally food at the grocery store.”

“Okay but I mean like pre-made ready to eat food. Not packaged lettuce and kimchi. Can’t you go grocery shopping later? Like by yourself?”

Hanbin smirked _,_ “Don’t be a brat, I’m your hyung. I was thinking we could have some fun and cook together at my place.”

“Woah, your place already? Isn’t that a bit too fast, _hyung?”_

_This boy is gonna be the death of me._

“Jiwon, you’ve literally been in my bed.”

“O-oh yeah, I forgot. What are we making?”

Hanbin only winks.

 

~

 

A couple of hours later, the two boys are laughing in Hanbin’s monochrome kitchen, white flour stained on Jiwon’s cheekbones and a dab of it on Hanbin’s nose. Somewhere in the background, Troye Sivan’s _Blue Neighborhood_ and Jiwon is swinging his pretty hips and Hanbin’s trying his best to sing, failing horribly. The barista is giggling at Hanbin’s attempts and the latter boy flings more flour at him.

On the island counter is various scattered ingredients- opened packages of fresh produce and spilt sauces. The two boys had tried their hand in making their own

jjajangmyeon, had tried to make homemade noodles and a yummy black bean sauce. It had all gone to hell when Hanbin forgotten to watch the sauce so it had over boiled and dried out, causing the fire alarm to set off. Jiwon was so shocked by the noise that he dropped the noodles he was working on, missing the bowl by a few centimeters and landing on the floor with a loud plop.

After that, Jiwon had promptly started to cry, tears building up in glassy eyes, “Oh my god, Bin. What are we gonna eat now? The sauce is gone and I dropped the noodles!!”

In an attempt to try to calm the barista down, Hanbin had reached forward meaning to brush away Jiwon’s tears with his fingers. Instead he accidentally rubbed flour onto the younger’s cheekbones and he sheepishly pulled back, biting his lip, worried to see Jiwon’s reaction. The latter’s eyes widened in surprise, a little bit of betrayal in them, and he hurriedly smeared flour onto Hanbin’s nose before running away to the other side of the island, snickering.

“Jiwon, come back here. Now!!”

“N-no. You can’t make me!”

But Hanbin was fast. He quickly whipped around the island and trapped Jiwon against the counter, wrapping his arms around the boy and pressing his chest into the younger’s back. Jiwon let out the cutest giggle and a scandalized, “Hanbin!!”

The flour incident was forgotten and Hanbin was suddenly nosing at Jiwon’s neck, pressing wet kisses against the supple skin. The barista threw his head back and whined breathlessly at Hanbin’s hot touch, “H-hanbin..”

The boy tasted so, so good. A little bit like dark chocolate mixed with fresh earth and maybe a little bit of rain; it was addicting. Hanbin wanted more.

He flipped the boy around, still pressed against the counter, so that they were facing each other, hardening cocks brushed one another. Jiwon looked so wrecked already, cheeks pink with heat, eyes glazed over with want. He looked up at Hanbin through his bangs, shy eyes filled with lust, mouth parting open and Hanbin lost it. He leaned forward and captured Jiwon’s lips in his own. It was messy and so, so good- plush lips sliding together, like two pieces of a puzzle slotting together. Hanbin was biting at Jiwon’s plump bottom lip and the when the latter let out a breathy moan, he slipped his tongue into Jiwon’s mouth.

Hanbin’s cock was growing harder and his pants began to feel constricting. Jiwon was no better, rutting his cock against Hanbin’s, hips thrusting shallowly while his fingers were tugging at Hanbin’s hair, mouth open and wet.

“Baby-“

“H-hanbin.. I- ungh”

“What do you want, baby?”

Fire burned in Hanbin’s lower stomach and he was feeling a little bit mean. He reached down and began to palm at Jiwon’s hard dick, smirking as the barista closed his eyes and whined.

“T-touch me please, Bin..”

“Want hyung to touch you, love?”

Still kissing the boy, Hanbin slowly unbuckled Jiwon’s black skinny jeans and pulled them down until they settled mid thigh. Jiwon’s cock was straining hard against his boxers, the head was peeking out cutely. Pulling down the boxers, Hanbin wasted no time, taking out his own cock out and rutting against Jiwon. Hanbin groaned at the feeling as they rubbed against one another, Jiwon was so, so wet, precum spilling from the tip and making the glide _so good._

Jiwon made the prettiest noises, breathy pants and cute moans, little whines and  “ _U-uh more please.”_ spilling from his bitten lips.

“H-hanbin, I-I’m.. I’m so close. I wanna cum, please..”

“Cum, baby. Cum with me.”

 

When the two boys came down from the high, white staining both of their shirts, Jiwon looked down and scrunched his nose in disgust, cum seeping into his thin black T-shirt, “This is disgusting.”

Hanbin laughed, “C’mon babe, I’ll go get you some clothes and then we can figure out what we can eat.”

And just at the mention of food, Jiwon’s eyes lit up before remembering the ruined noodles. His eyes started tearing up again and Hanbin’s heart melted at the sight, “T-the noodles are ruined. I’m so sorry, Hanbin.”

“Jiwon, I literally messed up the sauce. It’s okay, we’ll figure something out.”

The barista nodded unsurely, letting out a cute sigh before following Hanbin into the bedroom.

 

Moments later, both Jiwon and Hanbin were dressed in comfy sweatpants and matching white t-shirts. Messy kitchen forgotten-Hanbin would clean it up later-, the two boys were standing together at the stove, waiting for water to boil. They had found packets of instant Shin Ramyun in Hanbin’s pantry, and both had lit up in happiness when there was kimchi in the fridge and eggs too.

Luckily, cooking ramen was something Hanbin and Jiwon were both pros at, Hanbin mastering the art during many late nights at the office and Jiwon being a broke college student and all. Jiwon’s mouth watered as the steam lifted from the noodles and he was non-stop licking at his lips. Hanbin was so _fucking_ endeared with the boy who he found was absolutely adorable.

“Could you grab the kimchi, love? I’m gonna crack the egg now.”

Jiwon pouted, “I wanted to crack the egg!!”

_Fuck, he’s so cute._

Hanbin held back a laugh, “Okay, babe. Go ahead.”

He moved towards the fridge to grab the kimchi, and as his back was turned to the barista, Hanbin couldn’t help but smile softly. If a year ago he’d been told that there would be a boy at his apartment cooking ramen with him, he would’ve laughed at the ridiculousness. Having been alone most of his life, he really didn’t expect to be doing domestic fluff with such a pretty boy. But now, he’d trade anything to have more moments like this with the boy, wanted to spend forever and more with Jiwon.

“Hanbin? What’s taking so long? The noodles are ready.”

Hanbin didn’t know why but his eyes were tearing up and he couldn’t turn around.

Confused, Jiwon took cautious steps towards Hanbin. “B-bin? What’s wrong?”

Hanbin finally turned around and looked at Jiwon, looking at the boy who made his heart stutter in the best way possible, “Jiwon, will you be my boyfriend?”

A smile broke out on the barista’s face and his cheeks turned a bit pink, “Yes I’ll be your boyfriend, Hanbin. Is that all? You almost had me worried. Now come on, the noodles are gonna get bloated and I’m starving.”

Hanbin wanted to cry but in a good way. His heart fell so full, almost like it was going to burst but he wouldn’t trade the world for this feeling. It was indescribable, unfathomable, and absolutely insane. But it was still the best feeling Hanbin’s ever felt. So nodding, he grabbed the kimchi and allowed himself to be pulled by Jiwon onto a barstool. Sitting together at the island with a steaming pot of hot ramen between them, the two boys talked and laughed and fell deeper and deeper in love with one another.

And so maybe Hanbin was plagued with the seven deadly sins, trapped in thoughts that were dangerous enough to kill, but with Jiwon sat before him, looking at him with such love in his sparkly eyes, Hanbin can’t help but think _everything is going to be okay._ _Everything's going to be okay as long as I have him by my side._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't really know how I feel about this chapter, I hope you guys like it though.


	7. VII.

“Jiwon, baby, you’re so talented holy shit.” Hanbin was blown away at the barista’s artistic ability and at the fact that he was just now finding out that his _boyfriend_ was an artist, an extremely brilliant one at that.

The two boys were lounging on the couch of Hanbin’s living room after both having a terribly long day-Hanbin was stuck in a meeting that went on for hours and Jiwon had two lectures. Hanbin had ordered Chinese takeout to be delivered to his home and by the time he had picked up Jiwon at Yonsei University, the food was already at the doorstep.

Now, Hanbin had his head in Jiwon’s lap as the latter boy doodled in his sketch book, _Toy Story_ playing somewhere in the background. Hanbin craned his neck to get a peek at what Jiwon was drawing and what he saw had him stunned. Reflecting in soft water colors and messy pencil smudges was a sketch of _him_ ; Jiwon had drawn _Hanbin_ and it was beautifully done so. It wasn’t close to  finished yet and the edges were a bit messy but it was still so eloquently done; it was a drawing of when Jiwon had first spent the night at Hanbin’s-not the time where Hanbin almost knocked someone’s teeth out but the first time Hanbin had asked the boy not to go and sleep over instead—almost a month ago. _Time truly does fly when you’re in love. I can only wish to stay like this forever._

Jiwon’s sketch was of Hanbin sitting crosslegged on the bed, white dress shirt the tiniest bit crinkled with the top buttons left undone. Hanbin remembered that night, Jiwon had been sitting across from him, telling him cute childhood stories and Hanbin had smiled softly at the image of a small, bunny like toddler running around with finger paint smudged on his cheeks. Jiwon had captured Hanbin mid laugh in his drawing and the former boy was so in awe at just how real it looked, the crinkles on the corners of his eyes were even visible.

Still laying comfortably on the barista’s lap, Hanbin looked up at his boyfriend. Even after month of becoming official, every glance at his boyfriend had Hanbin’s heart stuttering madly. His lips looked so red and glossy from the Nivea cherry lip balm he put in earlier and they looked extra plump because Jiwon had a habit of biting his lips whenever he was concentrated. His hair looked extra fluffy today and he was wearing thick, black rimmed glasses, tongue poking out as he focused on sketching.

“Jiwonieee~ are you ingnoring me? I said you’re really talented, baby. How come you never told me you could draw this well?”

The barista blushed but his eyes didn’t move from the sketch book, “Thank you, Bin. It just never came up but now that you know, I’m an art major at Yonsei. And I don’t know, don’t you think it looks a bit messy?”

Hanbin loved learning about Jiwon and now another piece of him was revealed, he grinned, “An art major? All this time, I thought you were in biochemistry. And no babe, it looks perfect considering it’s me you’re drawing.”

Jiwon scrunched his nose cutely and tapped Hanbin’s own with his pencil lightly, “You’re annoying. And why biochemistry? I hate science and I know I’m 20 but I still don’t understand how electrons and protons work.”

Hanbin laughed, “I don’t know either baby, I was studying law before I took over the company and then all my education was swapped out for business ethics.”

Suddenly Jiwon bit his lip shyly, “Hanbinnie, can you hire me as like your secretary or something? Lately at the cafe, I’m doing all the work and just watching Jinan make out with June.”

Hanbin tilted his head up to see if the barista was being serious but Jiwon had already gone back to sketching, “Aw honey, I don’t think an office job is your thing. It’s really boring and all you do is file papers and make me coffee. But if you’re really serious, then yeah baby, I’ll hire you. My secretary now is annoying as fuck.”

Jiwon giggled, “So you’ve told me. Honestly, I make you coffee all the time so you can basically call me your secretary anyways. But yeah, paper work doesn’t sound fun. How ‘bout your personal assistant?”

“I’d love that baby. We’d have so much fun together. But really, knowing you, you’ll never quit the cafe, you love Jinan too much,” Hanbin reached up to poke Jiwon’s cheek teasingly, “Should I be jealous? I swear you love him more than me.”

Jiwon rolled his eyes playfully, “Jinan’s my platonic soulmate, but you’re just my normal soulmate. And I think you’re right, I really do love PLATTE. I just- I don’t know, I feel like I’m losing inspiration to make art and it sucks cause I love it so much.”

Hanbin clutched his heart, dramatically sighing, “Just a normal soulmate? Ouch, baby-“

Jiwon leaned down and kissed Hanbin’s cheek so suddenly that the latter boy felt his cheeks warming up and he brought his hand to touch the spot, still slightly wet. Jiwon giggled again, “ _You’re my whole world, Kim Hanbin._ ”

Hanbin looked up again and swore he saw galaxies in Jiwon’s sparkly eyes, “As are you, baby. But really Jiwon, about your art, what else can you do? Maybe I can think of something to inspire you.”

The bunny boy furrowed his brows, deep in thought, “Well, I do anything art-related really. I can take pictures and write pretty poems and song lyrics, but painting and water colors are my favorite.”

Suddenly something lit up in Hanbin’s brain, “Baby! What if I tell you I actually have a job for you?”

The barista’s eyes widened and he tilted his head like a curious puppy, “What is it, Binnie?”

“Would you like to paint a mural for my office? Making something huge might spark up big ideas and new inspiration.” Hanbin’s office was monochrome just like his home, and the huge wall behind his desk was plain white, no splashing colors or ostentatious decor.

“A-a mural? For.. you? Hanbin..” Jiwon began to stutter and anxiety was building up to his fingertips, grip on the pencil becoming shaky.

“Hey no, baby, listen. You don’t have to if you’re not up to it, I’m not forcing you to do anything. It’s only if _you_ want to.”

Jiwon let out a panicky breath, eyes cast downwards, cheeks dusted with pink. He spoke softly, “I want to Hanbin.. I really want to but what if I mess up? This is your office, not some random wall on the street. You’re gonna have to see it every single day and like what would the mural even be of?”

Hanbin sat up on the couch and scooted closer until he was right next to the barista, facing him and tilting Jiwon’s chin up with his finger tips so he could look directly into his eyes, “Jiwon, I’d be honored if I could stare at your art every day. Especially if it’s custom made and only for me. Baby, it could be anything you want it to be, the theme and style is up to you, you’re the artist here.”

Jiwon gently set the sketchbook down on the glass coffee table before turning his body so he was facing Hanbin too. He spoke softly, carefully choosing his words, “Okay, Hanbin. Let’s do it!! You’re gonna have to come with me to the art supply store with me though. I want your opinion on the color palette before I start painting.”

Hanbin only grinned and that was enough for Jiwon to tumble onto the former boy, straddling his waist so that he could tug at  his hair and kiss him. Hanbin smiled into their kiss, open mouthed and wet, wrapping his arms around the barista’s slim waist and tilting his head a tiny bit to give more access to the excited boy on top of him.

 

It should’ve been no surprise that Jiwon was so artistically talented, coming from Yeonnam-dong, one of the best art districts in the nation. But Hanbin was still stunned whenever Jiwon showed him his various different art styles and techniques, wanting him to pick his favorite one for the mural. And even though Hanbin was no less than a fashion god, he could be a bit more educated on art culture. Jiwon rolled his eyes whenever he asked for Hanbin’s opinion and the latter just responded with, _“Whatever you want baby, just paint something that looks good.”_

_“That’s so broad, Binnie!! Can’t you be more specific?”_

Hanbin had looked at his boyfriend with apologetic eyes, _“I’m sorry I can’t tell the difference between Da Vinci and Michelangelo.”_

“ _I’m just asking you to pick between periwinkle and lavender!!”_

Hanbin had shot Jiwon a confused look before looking back at the color swatches his boyfriend was holding, “ _What’s the difference? They both look light purple to me.”_

Needless to say Hanbin had earned a smack to the head by an annoyed bunny.

 

A few days later everything was set into motion, Hanbin had all the art supplies- paints, brushes, sheet&floor covers, a ladder and extra smocks- delivered directly to his office. For the time being, if it was needed, he’d move over to a different office to work at but honestly Hanbin was ecstatic to be working in the same room Jiwon would be painting in. Jiwon had talked to Jinhwan about taking less shifts at PLATTE and even though the smaller boy was reluctant and teary eyed, he let the boy take a short leave so that he could focus on school and painting the mural. Jiwon had smiled softly before hugging the small barista tightly, “ _Don’t worry, Jinan. I’ll still come and get coffee every morning. While I’m gone, don’t suck too much face with June and remember to tend the customers!!”_

Now the two boys stood in front of KIM ELECTRONIC _S_ CO. —a huge skyscraper built of sleek, gray steel framework. It was the first time that Jiwon was going to work with Hanbin and nervous was an understatement. Hanbin was wearing his usual work attire and next to him, Jiwon wore light-washed canvas jeans and a black crew neck sweater. He wanted to wear something comfortable and easily washable of paint stains, but now standing in front of such an elite building, he couldn’t help but think he should’ve worn something _classier_.

Jiwon gulped before gripping Hanbin’s hand tightly, “I’m getting paid for this, right?”

Hanbin laughed at the cute boy and smirked, “Yeah baby, you’ll be paid.. in kisses.”

“Now’s not the time to joke around, Bin!!”

Sensing just how nervous his boyfriend was, Hanbin spun Jiwon around so that they were facing each other, “Hey Jiwon, you’ll be fine, don’t worry. You’ll be working just in my office and I’ll make sure no one bothers you, okay? You’re an amazing artist and you should be so proud of your talent, just like I am.”

Jiwon fidgeted and sighed, eyes looking down at his worn, canvas Converse, “I’m just worried, Hanbin. This is the first time I’ve ever been to your work and it’s probably full of rich, successful office people that look down on broke college students like me. They’re gonna wonder why you’re dating _a kid_ when you could have _anyone_ in Seoul.”

“Too bad I only want you, _Kim Jiwon_. And really, I’m the lucky one here. My boyfriend is cute, artsy, and can make the _best_ coffee. I really should replace my secretary with you.”

The barista blushed before turning around again to face the huge doors of the building, grip on Hanbin’s hand never letting up, “Okay, I think I’m ready. Let’s go, Bin.”

Hanbin smiled and spun the boy around one more time, “ _Wait-_ “ and before Jiwon could protest, Hanbin leaned in and pressed a delicate kiss to the barista’s cheek _, “You got this, baby.”_

He pulled back and took Jiwon’s hand in his own and sauntered forward, leaving a stunned mess of a bunny staggering behind.

 

The two boys walked hand in hand towards the lobby of the building, and made their way to the elevator. Once the elevator pinged their arrival at the top floor- Hanbin’s floor, he looked into Jiwon’s doe eyes, sharing a silent _you got this._ Jiwon gulped and nodded, and together they walked out onto the floor.

They walked past the front where Hanbin nodded firmly at the receptionist and began to walk towards the main cubicle area, where most of Hanbin’s employees worked. Hanbin could already spot out his annoying secretary, sitting at her own desk, wearing a fuchsia pink dress and smacking her gum loudly, while she flipped through stacks of papers.

Hanbin coughed quietly to gain everyone’s attention and once everyone was aware that their boss was in the room, all chatter stopped and they looked up at the pair, curiosity shining in their eyes. “Good morning guys. This is my boyfriend, Jiwon and he’s gonna be working in my office for the time being, painting a mural. Please welcome him and show him respect.”

Jiwon bowed awkwardly at Hanbin’s side, mumbling a shy, “Hello.”

No one said a word or even welcomed the boy like Hanbin had asked, and he could feel the irritation building up at his rude employees. He decided to play it cool and just take the barista to his office and show him his work space. As Hanbin led Jiwon down the hall to his secluded office, they both heard the mumbling start.

_“Did you see that kid? He looks so young, is that even legal?”_

_“What was he wearing? Shouldn’t bossman be spoiling him in fancy clothes?”_

_“Not gonna lie, but I really thought Mr. Kim was straight. I didn’t know he was into twinks. I’m so disappointed.”_

Jiwon’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment and he felt tears burn in the back of his eyes. Hanbin quickly opened the door to his office and ushered the boy in, “Hey, hey, no baby. Don’t listen to them, pup. They’re all annoying, pretentious assholes and I really don’t even know why I’m working with them. Just say the word and I’ll fire them all.”

Jiwon had plopped face down onto Hanbin’s black leather couch, face buried into a pillow and for a few seconds he didn’t respond. Then, he lifted his head and gave Hanbin a watery smile, “No, don’t do that Binnie. Don’t worry about me , I’m just being a baby.”

Hanbin sat on the couch and pulled the boy into his arms, brushing the tears off Jiwon’s cheeks gently, “You’re my baby. And seriously, they’re just nosy and love to gossip. They’ll warm up to you soon when they find out just how cute you are. Or how talented you are. Or how thoughtful you are. Or-“

Hanbin was stopped with a messy kiss, full of tears and cherry lip balm, but it couldn’t be more perfect.

“C-can you show me where I’ll be working now?”

Hanbin’s heart melted, “Of course, pup.”

He pulled Jiwon up off the couch and led him to the area behind his heavy work desk, a huge white wall covered in  parchment paper to prevent scuffing. The floor of the space was also covered in paper, a ladder gently leaning against the wall, different cans of paints lined up by color, and scattered pain brushes were lying on the floor. Hanbin forgot something and he quickly walked to the black couch, adjacent to the one Jiwon had plopped down on, and grabbed one cream colored smock that was sitting on the arm of the couch.

Hanbin quietly put the apron on Jiwon, lacing the neck and securing the waist before he pulled the boy into a back hug, resting his head on the barista’s shoulder. He whispered into Jiwon’s ear, _“I’m really happy you’re here, baby. I can’t wait to see what you have in store for me.”_

_Why does this feel so sexual? I kind of want to fuck him here in this office while he wears nothing but this apron, paint smeared all over his body. Fuck._

Hanbin was pulled from his dirty thoughts when he heard Jiwon spoke softly, “I’m happy I’m here with you too, Binnie. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Hanbin shook his head, “You have no idea how much you _saved_ me, baby.”

 

For the next few months, Jiwon spent minutes and hours and days painting the mural in Hanbin’s office. It was far from being finished, but the idea was set and it was being beautifully translated. Hanbin couldn’t be more proud of his talented baby.

Jiwon had decided to paint the city of Seoul, so that Hanbin could be reminded with a piece of home every time he stepped into the office. It was sort-of mirrored, really, because just across the room, to the right, were huge floor windows over looking the heart of the city. But Jiwon’s painting was beautiful and unique and _special_ ; it was Seoul’s skyline at night. With the varying shades of midnight blues, purples, grays, and even firey reds, the scene was absolutely stunning. Magnificent skyscrapers bigger than life, were drawn so skillfully- every stroke of the paintbrush was well defined and Jiwon had even bigger ideas to execute for the Han River.

Hanbin _loved_ this. He loved Mondays and Thursdays when Jiwon would come to work with him _the whole day_ because those days he didn’t have class. He loved spending Sunday nights at the office, even though those were his days off, just watching his boyfriend paint tenderly _for him._ He loved when Jiwon would sporadically show up after class, back pack still settled on his shoulders and glasses falling down to the tip of his nose, but he was just _so eager, so excited_ to just make art already.

He adored the boy with every inch of his being and just like he predicted, his employees did warm up to the barista. In fact, it was almost like they liked him more than Hanbin, always swaddling him in treats and coffees and even ordering takeout for him whenever he stayed particular long working. Hanbin rolled his eyes playfully at the thought, _no one can resist my boyfriend. Too bad he’s mine only._

 

  

The news of Kim Hanbin, _son of late Kim Jung Joo_ , and the CEO of KIM ELECTRONICS, was dating an art student from Yeonnam-dong came as a shock for most. It was first came out when Jiwon repeatedly appeared with Hanbin on the way to work and paparazzi had caught sight of the two holding hands. Tabloids had a field day, and the next morning every newspaper in Seoul was about the seemingly _scandalous_ relationship. Ugly rumors were spread, some had even called Jiwon out for _only being in it for money._

The gentle barista was hurt and scared, even. This was the first time he was getting such exposure from the world and it was too much for the boy who came from a small district. His mother had found out about the two dating from reading the local paper and she had called Jiwon up immediately, demanding an explanation on why she had to find out her son had a boyfriend from _the newspaper._ Jiwon had quietly pleaded that he’d been busy and he would introduce Hanbin to her soon. When Hanbin heard of this, the two boys were in Hanbin’s red Lamborghini heading to Yeonnam-dong the next day. Needless to say, Jiwon’s mother fell in love with Hanbin and she granted her blessing before sending the two boys back to Seoul, arms full of homemade kimchi and other dishes.

But the rumors were biting and they stung, and Hanbin wanted so badly for them to just stop, for Jiwon fragile enough and he fell weak to the vicious words. 

Hanbin had thought, “ _God, don’t people have better things to do? We’re two boys in love, big deal. Get the fuck over it. Why keep dragging this out?”_

Perhaps Hanbin could sue all the news outlets that were spouting bullshit, but he didn’t have, nor did he want to, the time to spend battling it out in court. On a whim, Hanbin decided the best thing to do was show who Jiwon was truly, and show him off to the media, just how pure and untainted the boy was. He decided to bring the barista to one of the biggest events of the year- the Golden Youth Ball, celebrating the success and wealth of young business owners, celebrities, and idols. Hanbin usually skipped out on such galas, but he was being nominated for an award that he knew he was going to win. 

And what better way to show off your significant other than at a huge, fancy ball   with the presence of hundreds of media platforms and other influential people? Hanbin was determined to make the whole of South Korea fall in love with Kim Jiwon, just like how the barista had managed the capture the heart of a broken boy. 

So when the night of the event came, both boys were dressed to the nines, swathed in imported silk fabrics from Italy and adorned with expensive, sleek gold jewelry. The barista was styled in a midnight blue silk shirt that showed off his milky collar bones, tucked into black slacks and matching blue slip on dress shoes. A simple gold chain draped onto his chest, poising elegance and wealth, all thanks to his thoughtful boyfriend. Hanbin was wearing a black suit jacket with gold designs and a black dress shirt underneath, top buttons left undone. Black slacks hugged at his toned legs and he was wearing his favorite Armani dress shoes. The couple looked killer, but the only thing shot was Hanbin’s heart at his beautiful boyfriend. _I’m disgustingly cheesy._

The two boys had showed up at the event in Hanbin’s sleek red Lamborghini, fresh from a car wash, and as they walked into the ball room, all eyes and camera lenses were on them. As predicted, Hanbin had won the award for being the _most influential youth_ , inspiring the hearts of many young aspiring businessmen and women. As he walked up the stage to claim the award, he had asked Jiwon to come up with him. The boy had flushed but shyly agreed, clutching at Hanbin’s hand like a lost child. Hanbin had dedicated his success speech to the barista before introducing Jiwon to the thousands of people before him, painting him in all his angel glory. He talked about the _real Jiwon_ and how special he was to Hanbin, how he was the most giving, thoughtful boy he had ever met. 

Jiwon got so emotional during the speech that he even tapped Hanbin’s shoulder, asking if he could get a few words in, _“I know.. I know I’m just a cheap college kid, but I want you to all know that it was never for the money. I hope that you can all look past my clothes because they’re not branded or past my messy childlike habits and see who I am on the inside. I’m just a human who loves art and Hanbin.. he is my muse. I hope that after this, we can all get along and live long happy lives together.”_

Hanbin had looked down at the crowd and surprisingly, there were many teary eyes and shaky mouths. He looked at Jiwon and found tears flowing from his eyes freely. He grabbed the mic gently from the boy before closing off with a soft, _“Thank you for listening. And thanks for this award, it’s truly an honor to be able to represent the power of the youth. The future is now.”_

With that, Hanbin put the microphone back onto the stand and helped Jiwon down the steps of the stage delicately. He thinks that he succeeded in making all of South Korea fall in love with a certain barista and he smiles.

 

 

And just like that, everything was okay. Things were fluid again after the whole paparazzi escapade and everything was back to normal for Hanbin and Jiwon. The barista was still coming up to the office to work on the mural and Hanbin was back to working as usual. As their relationship grew, Hanbin visibly became livelier each passing day. It visibly showed through the healthy glow of his skin and through the shine that grew in his eyes.

For their fourth month anniversary, Hanbin had decided he would ask Jiwon to move in with him. He thought it’d be more accessible and easier for the barista since he wouldn’t have to ride the bus from his dorm to see Hanbin whenever the latter couldn’t pick him up. But mostly, he just wanted Jiwon around him all of the time.

He planned a home cooked dinner at his penthouse, running around lighting candles and buying huge bouquets of roses. He quietly hummed Big Bang as he took out the food that he had ordered from some fancy restaurant, from their containers and set them out on pretty dishes, making it looked like he had cooked. _It’s the thought that counts, right?_

He waited for Jiwon to come home and unlock the door with his own personalized key, promising to come as soon as his last class ended. But as the clocked ticked continuously and Jiwon still hadn’t shown up, Hanbin grew increasingly worried. _Maybe the professor is just being an asshole and held the class back?_

Hanbin fell asleep waiting for Jiwon on the couch and the food on the dinner table had grown cold. He woke up to his vibrating phone underneath the pillow and he quickly pulled it out, thinking it was the barista, “Hello?”

“Hello, is this Kim Hanbin?”

Confused, Hanbin looked that the digital clock on the wall, _2:27 AM_. He coughed, “Yes, I am. Who’s calling?”

“This is Severance Hospital of Yonsei University Health System and I’m calling for a Kim Jiwon? Are you his listed emergency contact?”

_Jiwon? What the fuck is happening?_

Hanbin gripped the phone in his hand tightly and he shakily answered, “Yes, I am. What happened to Jiwon? Is everything okay?”

“His condition is getting worse and visible symptoms are rapidly increasing. It’d be best if you-“

The phone tumbled onto the floor and Hanbin started to shake uncontrollably. _His condition? What the fuck does that mean? No, no, no, this can’t be fucking happening. Why is this happening?_

“Hello? ... Mr. Kim, are you here?”

Hanbin blindly searched for the phone on the floor and he quickly brought it to his ear, “Yes, yes I’m here. I’m coming to the hospital now.”

He hung up the phone.

 

 

 

^Jiwonie with his glasses~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the scenes in this are so rushed but at least I finally dropped the bomb :')


	8. VIII.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

Shaky hands gripped the needle pressing into soft, pale skin as Hanbin injected _hell in its finest form_ into his awaiting bloodstream. A forgotten, half-filled baggie of the powdery substance laid at his feet, Hanbin waited for the euphoria to sink in. Glossy tears fell from his eyes onto his cheeks in weak droplets and all Hanbin wanted to do was _fucking_ _scream_.

Alone in the dark quietness of the bathroom stall, Hanbin dropped the needle, watching it silently hit the dirty floor and brought his hands up to his hair. He tugged harshly at the messy, black locks and dropped his head to his knees, closing his eyes. Dry sobs ran through his tired body and suddenly Hanbin found himself not being able to _fucking breathe._

_What the fuck is happening? Why isn’t this working? I need more._

The feeling of ecstasy wasn’t kicking in fast enough and Hanbin, in the messy search for something to _make everything go away_ , blindly searched for the baggie he had discarded earlier. When his fingertips finally made contact with the tiny ziplock, he held it up to the dim lighting of the restroom, staring at the powder’s pearlescent shine. He dipped a finger in gently, touching the softness of the deadly substance. _So fucking pretty._

Hanbin prepared two, thin white lines on the back of his credit card, fake happiness filling his mind and a shaky smile on his lips. He sat back and looked at his pretty creation, ready to cling on to the euphoric high just a little longer. But as soon as he brought his head down to take a clean hit of the drug, Hanbin’s phone rang.

The shrill ringing brought Hanbin back to his anguished reality, and even with a heavily doped up mind, he smacked the credit card away—watching the powder dissipate into the dingy floor. Angry feelings of shame and disgust crashed over Hanbin in waves and he let the phone ring on.

For the first time since meeting Jiwon, Hanbin was, once again, acquainted with a deadly old friend, going by the name of _pure cocaine._

 

 

Hanbin wasn’t meant to find out. Hanbin knew that Jiwon had never intended for him, _or anyone_ _at all_ , to find out the truth about his sickness.

Jiwon was very, very sick.

The doctor had told Hanbin that Jiwon had a growing brain tumor. It was _not yet_ terminal cancer, but there was little success rate that the hospital would be able to cut the tumor out without damage to the sensitive neurons around it or chances that the tumor would come back. In fact, the doctor had said that with how fast the tumor was growing, current medical advancements could not keep up with the contracted illness. His condition was worsening and visible symptoms were starting to show. With such a dangerous growing pace, the tumor could quickly spread to other areas in the brain, and Jiwon would most likely contract Parkinson’s disease as a viable effect.

_“There’s a likely chance he might recognize you some days and completely forget who you are the next. It’s important in these situations to not panic the patient further, opting to re introduce yourself gently each time or claim you are a live-in caretaker.”_

The news had shocked Hanbin to the core but as he sat there, on a cold, plastic chair in the dim hospital hallway, it almost felt like a wake up call. It was a reminder that _he didn’t deserve good things. Hanbin didn’t deserve happiness. Every good thing that has ever happened to him had been stripped away and it was clear that Jiwon was not an exception._

But Jiwon was a human being, a beautiful human being with a heart that was bigger than life itself. He was the most human precious being Hanbin has ever had the chance to encounter but he couldn’t help and feel that Jiwon was unlucky to have met someone like Hanbin. _Hanbin ruined things. Hanbin had ruined Jiwon._

_“How long?”_

_“I-I’m sorry? I don’t understand your question, Mr. Kim.”_

_“How long does he have?”_

_“He has a chance-“_

_“Cut the bullshit, you said it yourself it‘s near impossible for the tumor to be cut without damage. Tell me how long he has to live.”_

_“3 months.”_

 

 

Staggering out of the dirty bathroom stall in some hole-in-the-wall bar, Hanbin somehow managed to find himself in his car on the way Severance Hospital. He parked sloppily, nearly denting the car next to him and pulled himself towards the doors of the hospital. With a lightly laced up mind, Hanbin flung himself at the receptionist, demanding to see his boyfriend, despite visiting hours being over.

The receptionist nearly called security to drag him out but somehow Hanbin had started sobbing, banging his head against the counter and letting out helpless whimpers and cries, _“I-I need to see him.. I need to tell him I love him, please.”_

Hanbin ended up outside of room 208, peeking through the window to look at his sleeping boyfriend, but not having enough confidence to head inside, embarrassed for showing up in such a _fucked up_ state. He paced back and forth in the dimly lit hallway, _it was 4 in the morning_ , until a nurse passed by and gave him a glare that sent chills down Hanbin’s spine. He stopped pacing and quickly turned the door handle and stepped inside, holding his breath.

Jiwon looked so, so beautiful at four in the morning, dressed in a cotton nightgown, laying on the cheap hospital mattress with a thin, ugly floral blanket covering him. Hanbin had to cover his mouth with his hand to keep him from sobbing at the sight of his pretty boyfriend. He quietly approached the sleeping boy and slipped into the chair next to the bed.

Gently taking Jiwon’s hand into his own, Hanbin brought it up to his face and left a shaky kiss against the knuckles. He rested his head on the bed and just closed his eyes, salty tears laid track on his cheeks.

A few minutes later, Jiwon’s eyes opened slowly and he carefully brought his hand up to brush at Hanbin’s bangs delicately.

Shocked, Hanbin looked up and saw Jiwon looking back at him with his beautiful doe eyes, looking the tiniest bit dull with puffy darkness surrounding them. That was it for Hanbin, tears began to leak uncontrollably and he dropped his head onto the bed, “I-I’m so sorry, Jiwon. I’m so, so sorry baby. Sorry, sorry, sorry-“

Alarmed, Jiwon tried to tilt Hanbin’s head up so that he could look at him but the latter boy wouldn’t let up. “Hey, hey, what are you sorry for? Hanbin, none of this is your fault at all, I’ve been sick for a while.”

Hanbin mumbled into the cheap mattress, almost inaudibly, “I-I’m sorry. I l-love you so much, please don’t leave me. I’m so, so sorry, Jiwon.”

“Hanbin..”

“I-I’m so sorry. I-I shot up before this, Jiwon. I s-swear I hadn’t done it since I met you b-but I.. I couldn’t help it-“

Firmly, Jiwon gripped Hanbin’s chin, forcing him to look up, “Hanbin. Baby, It’s okay, I’m not mad at you. I’m sorry too.”

Confused, Hanbin shakily spoke, “Y-you’re not mad? You’re not disappointed with me?”

“Disappointed, yes. But I know you were just looking for an escape. I’m dying, Binnie. Let’s just-“

“Don’t fucking say that.”

Hanbin broke into tears, once more, and he gripped at the sheets brokenly, “Please don’t say that. Please don’t leave me, baby. Please, please...” He buried his head into Jiwon’s side, crying like a small child.

Jiwon began to cry too, rubbing Hanbin’s back helplessly, trying to comfort the boy. He whispered into his ear, salty tears mixing with Hanbin’s own, _“You’re my whole world. Please remember that, Kim Hanbin.”_

The two boys fell asleep trying to soothe one another and in return sobbing even harder into eachother's arms, both wondering why the world was so cruel. 

 

 

Faint sunlight streamed in through the curtains, filtering fresh colors of pale yellow into the dull hospital room. Hanbin cracked an eye open and to his surpise, Jiwon was pratically spread out on top of him—octopus style, both nearly fulling off the small bed. The barista was laying on his chest, breath coming out in small puffs, and his mind drifted to heavier thoughts. Jiwon bursted with sunshine and Hanbin wondered why the world was so admanant on burning even the brightist stars. 

"Hanbin..?"

Hanbin's heart melted when looked down again and saw a confused looking Jiwon rubbing at sleepy eyes; he looked like a grumpy bunny. He brushed the barista's messy, chocolate hair and spoke softly, "Good morning, baby." 

Jiwon blushed, burying his face further into Hanbin's chest, "You're gonna tell me to talk about it, right?" 

"We don't have to talk about anything, if you don't want to."

The barista shook his head as tears welled up in his puffy eyes, "I owe it to you to tell the truth. I'm so sorry, Hanbin." 

Hanbin's own heart clenched and he tried to put on a brave front for his fragile boyfriend, "I'm sorry too." 

Confused, Jiwon lifted his head up, "For what?" 

"For freaking out and leaving after the doctor told me you were sick. I-I just couldn't handle it and I'm so sorry, baby. I swear I put the drugs behind me when we first met." 

Jiwon bit back a sob, his boyfriend was so hurt by him not telling the truth that he turned to the comforts of an illegal drug. He was so ashamed and his heart broke for Hanbin, "P-promise me you won't do it again. Even after I'm gone." 

Hanbin shook his head, tears burning at his eyes, "Don't say that. P-please don't say that, baby." 

"Promise me." 

The tears spilled over and Hanbin couldn't control it, curling into himself as he sobbed uncontrollably, "I-I promise. B-but please don't go.. Please, please-" 

Jiwon's own eyes watered and his bottom lip was trembling, "Hanbin.."

"W-we'll figure something out. We'll find a doctor who can do it. Not any of these crappy hospitals in Seoul, but somewhere like Sweden or the States. T-they actually have their shit together and I'm sure they can help you." 

The barista sighed, not meeting Hanbin's eyes, "Hanbin.. I don't want to spend my last- 

Hanbin angrily cut him off, "Stop saying it's your last days or months or whatever!! Stop talking like you're dying right now. You're here and alive, aren't you?"

_Fuck, that was such a dickish thing to say._

Hanbin sat up slightly to lean against the cheap head board as the frustration built up. The barista scrambled off his chest gently and crawled to the other side of the small bed, sitting up to face Hanbin, hugging a small pillow to his chest.

“Bin, listen to me please,” Jiwon looked so tired, “I don’t want to spend my last few months plugged up in tubes and going through chemotherapy and radiation therapy and targeted therapy and however fucking many other therapies there are. I don’t wanna go through all of that when I could be spending time with you, Hanbin.”

“Jiwon, are you listening to yourself? Okay, you’re fucking dying. And you’re just gonna sit here and not do a damn thing about it? It’s not fucking terminal, Jiwon.”

“Hanbin, it’s a fucking brain tumor! You heard it yourself from the doctor, it’s almost impossible to cure at this rate.”

Hanbin took a deep breath, trying to keep cool and steady, “Yeah, well maybe I changed my mind. Like you said it’s _almost_ impossible, not fucking 100% impossible. There’s a chance here, Jiwon.”

Jiwon blew up, angry tears slipping down his cheeks. His voice was cracking with every word but the intentions were clear, “That’s not your fucking choice to make, Hanbin!! It’s fucking mine.”

“So what, you’re just gonna give up everything? You’re gonna give up on us? Gonna give up on me?”

Jiwon let out an uncontrollable sob, “No Hanbin, I’d never give up on you. Please understand where I’m coming from-“

“Yeah, well I don’t, Jiwon! Why the fuck would-“

“It’s a losing battle, Hanbin!! I’m fucking- I just want to be happy with you these last few months. I don’t want to go through all the fucking treatments only to be told I’m gonna fucking die anyways. I don’t want to regret spending my last days drowning in radiation when I could be watching the stars with you.”

“It doesn’t have to be your _last few months_. You don’t know that it’s a fucking losing battle. You’ll win, baby. I know you will. We could live together, get married and grow old together, Jiwon. But you won’t even take the fucking chance.”

Jiwon squeezed his eyes shut, whispering, “What if I don’t win? I’ll never forgive myself for not spending those moments with you instead.”

“You won’t even remember me by then.”

The barista’s eyes flew open, voice coming out shaky, “What do you mean?”

Just then a nurse walked into the room, carrying a tray of various breakfast items, rice porridge, toast, orange slices, and a cup of cherry jello- all of which looked disgusting. Whistling cheerfully, she stopped when she noticed the tight atmosphere in the room and saw that there were two boys on the bed, instead of one; her eyes widening. She coughed nervously, “I-I’m sorry, sir. B-but you’re not allowed to be in here.”

Hanbin chuckled awkwardly, “Actually, I’m his boyfriend and-“

“Just go, Bin.”

Hanbin looked at the barista, confusion and hurt heavy in his eyes, “What..?”

Jiwon refused to meet Hanbin’s eyes, picking at a thread on the blanket mindlessly, “Just go, Hanbin. We’ll talk later.”

Hanbin looked like a kicked puppy but he wordlessly agreed, lifting himself off the bed and trudging to the door. He looked back once, and when he saw that Jiwon had curled into a ball on the bed, silently crying, his entire heart shattered into pieces. It felt like some of the pieces got stuck and were stabbing at his fragile organs harshly because all of a sudden, Hanbin struggled to get the words out, “I-I love you, Jiwon. I love you.”

There was no reply.

 

 

“He’s ready to be discharged, his body is a bit tired and is recovering from the sudden collapse. Just make sure he’s taking the medicine I’ve prescribed for him. One in the morning and one right before bed. They’re meant to slow down any rising symptoms, but because the tumor is developing so quickly, we cannot be sure of that. Let me know if you would like to proceed with the treatment options.”

Hanbin gripped the white paper bag tightly, prescription bottles locked inside. With his jaw locked, he listened to the doctor carefully and almost wanted to lash back at how he talked so freely, uncaring and almost bored and not like his boyfriend was fucking dying. But Hanbin knew he couldn’t blame the doctor for just trying to do his job right. As the monotonous man droned on and on, Hanbin couldn’t help but let his mind wander, itching for his phone so he could research some of the best doctors in the world. _No way we’re staying in this shitty ass place. #2 hospital in Seoul, my ass. How do you even fuck up cherry jello?_

Just then, a ball of sunshine rushed down the hallway and launched himself at Hanbin, blubbering non-stop, “I’m sorry, Binnie. I love you too, I’m so sorry I didn’t say it back earlier. I love you so much.”

He was dressed in his own clothes again and looked relatively like his usual self, eyes bright and shiny, small smile on his lips. Hanbin completely disregarded the doctor standing before them and cut him off. He hugged the boy in his harms tightly, wrapping his arms around Jiwon’s small waist and burying his face into his fluffy chocolate hair, “ _Hey, baby.”_

The doctor coughed awkwardly, “U-uh that’s all for now. Please call me soon, Mr. Kim.” And then he was off, rushing down the hallway, long white coat brushing the floor with his dress shoes clicking against the aluminum.

_He didn’t even look at Jiwon, what the fuck? Pretentious asshole._

Still holding the barista by the waist, Hanbin looked at his soft boyfriend, any anger from earlier draining away. He brushed his thumb against Jiwon's cheek and watched as the smooth skin turned pink under his touch. Leaning closer, Hanbin pressed a sweet kiss to Jiwon's rosy lips, the barista's eyes fluttered shut as he leaned more into the kiss. Voice low and eyes hooded, Hanbin whispered against Jiwon's lips, "I've missed you so much. Let's go home, baby." 

 

 

The two boys were in Hanbin's kitchen, Jiwon was sitting on the barstool at the island, holding his phone away from his face as he facetimed a hysterical Jinhwan. Hanbin was on the other side, pouring silky red wine into two glasses, listening to his boyfriend's conversation. 

"How could you not tell me, Jiwonie?! I was so fucking worried when Hanbin called to tell me you were in the hospital!" 

The barista looked down shamefully, could not meet his best friend's teary eyes, "I'm so sorry, Jinan. I didn't want to worry anyone." 

A tired Junhoe appeared from behind the smaller boy, peering into the camera, "It's not terminal, right Jiwon? And you're going through treatment?" 

Jinhwan's small voice echoed through the kitchen, "You're gonna be just fine, right Jiwonie?" 

The barista's eyes teared up as he looked up at Hanbin, who was clenching the glass tightly. He begged his boyfriend with silent eyes not to say anything and looked back towards the screen, "Yeah, I'm gonna be fine. It just developed recently, so don't worry too much." 

Hanbin swirled the wine inside the class, eyes trained on the red liquid melting together. _Why are you lying?_

"—miss you so much, Jiwonie." 

Jiwon looked at the screen with a shaky smile, "I'll be back at the cafe in no time, guys." 

Junhoe's deep voice strained against the iPhone speaker, "We love you, Jiwon. Please let us know if anything happens, okay?"

The smaller barista's peeped in, "Love you, Jiwonie!! Please take care and stay healthy, honey." 

There was a lump in Jiwon's throat and he struggled to voice any of his thoughts. Hanbin appeared behind Jiwon, looking at the two barista with a fake smile glossing his lips, "He's under my care, guys, he'll be okay. You guys stay healthy too, okay? I'll update you guys every step of the way." 

The two couples chatted for a few more minutes before Junhoe ending the call, claiming they both had early shifts in the morning. Once the call was over, the barista pulled them to the couch, falling into Hanbin's arms, sad whimpers escaping through his lips as salty streams made their way down his cheeks. _"W-why me? I don't-"_  

Jiwon couldn't finish his sentence because Hanbin was kissing him. The kiss was messy and wet and every little emotion spilled through, but to Hanbin it was  _so real_ and  _so perfect._ He didn't want to think about anything; he just wanted  _to feel, feel Jiwon as he broke under his fingertips._ Jiwon straddled the other boy's waist, hungry eyes roaming down Hanbin's chest before lacing his fingers through his fluffy hair, kissing him like it was the last thing to do on Earth. 

_Maybe it was._

 

 

Hours later, Hanbin brought Jiwon up to the penthouse roof terrace. The barista had been napping while Hanbin snuck up to the roof, carrying a thick blanket, a couple of pillows, and a basket full of fresh fruit. He even had a pretty lantern that held a pretty yellow glow in the darkness of the blue-black sky.

“Where are we going?” Jiwon asked, rubbing at his sleepy eyes and looking at Hanbin with confusion.

Hanbin just smiled and winked, tugging at Jiwon’s wrist gently to pull him towards the door of the terrace. They use to go up often, whenever they had free nights they would go star gazing. But with Jiwon so busy working on the mural, they opted to stay together in the office.

He opened the glass door leading him out to the terrace and gestured to the area he had set up. There was a cream colored L-shaped couch in front of the lit fireplace, crackling with fresh wood and flint. The couch actually opened to out to be a bed from the bottom so Hanbin had pushed the couch back, making sure it wasn’t too close to the fire. He had thrown the blanket over the makeshift bed, plopping a few pillows down and set the fruit basket onto the small wooden coffee table, lantern next to it.

“Bin- I’m speechless, wow. This is so beautiful.”

Hanbin smiled at the barista, pulling him towards the bed and lying down. He let out a content sigh but his mind was so,so troubled. He knew they were walking on stones around each other, and they had been avoiding talking about Jiwon’s future plans, opting to put on fake-cheery smiles for one another.

Jiwon carefully laid next to Hanbin, pulling the basket next to him and popping a few grapes into his mouth. Fluttering his eyes shut, it was almost like he could read Hanbin’s mind. He spoke softly, “We need to talk, don’t we?”

Hanbin nodded but the other boy didn’t see. He was staring at the stars and the moon in the sky, but neither seemed to shine as bright as the boy next to him. All of a sudden, Hanbin felt tears leak down his cheeks onto the soft blanket underneath them. He quickly wiped them away, hoping Jiwon wouldn’t notice for his eyes were closed. “Yeah baby, let’s talk.”

But none of them said anything.

Hanbin almost thought Jiwon had fallen asleep but when he turned his head to look, the barista’s eyes were open. His eyes were shiny and wet with unshed tears, but he still looked at the dark sky above. Jiwon whispered brokenly, “How am I gonna tell my mom?”

Hanbin’s heart broke, “Baby..”

“She’s gonna be so fucking broken, Bin. I had these huge dreams, you know? Like I wanted to be a huge artist someday and now- I don’t know if I can,” Jiwon’s tears spilled over and he didn’t even bother to wipe them away, “The stipend you gave me for the mural, I-I was gonna give to my mom as a surprise for publishing my first real art piece.”

It dawned on Hanbin that _Jiwon might not be able to finish the mural_. Hanbin’s voice got caught in his throat and for a few seconds he couldn’t speak. 

But Jiwon wasn’t done yet and he continued to stare into the sky and for the first time, his eyes looked empty. _“Let me live! I don't want to die, so let me live! I can't die like this. I want to live. I don't want to die, I want to live. The people I love.. they're all here. I don't want to die, I want to live. Let me live, please. I.. I'm scared."_

And if Hanbin's heart broke, now it was fucking shattered into millions of tiny pieces, dissipating into the universe. Hanbin felt so, so helpless next to his dying boyfriend and he prayed to a God that he didn’t believe in to take him instead.

_If there really is a God up there, please—fucking please, let him live. Let him live because he deserves to. Jiwon deserves everything and more than this cruel world could ever offer him, but at least give him the fucking chance. Please, let him live._

 

 

 

^ how I picture the roof top to look 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it really broke my heart writing this, there's so much angsty dialogue. also, the "let me live" scene is actually a scene from the drama 'uncontrollably fond'. that scene really tore me apart :')


	9. IX.

" _Will you marry me?"_

_"W-what?"_

_"We could do it, you know. Fly to America and get married in fucking California or something."_

_"I-I don't.. I don't know what to say, Bin."_

_"Say yes."_

_"I- I.. okay. Okay. Let's get married."_

 

Neither of the boys had brought up Jiwon's treatment options again, fearing for another fight to break out. Instead, they acted like everything was painstakingly fine, Jiwon was going to class everyday and Hanbin was back at the office. The barista still came in to paint the mural almost every night, and he made it his primary goal to get it done. 

But everything was  _not_ fine and nothing was okay.

 

Wet clothes sticking to his skin, Jiwon slid down the shower wall, salty tears mixing with the hot water streaming down. He brought a hand to his mouth to cover his muffled screams, other hand gripping his hair tightly as the world around him spun in circles. His head _hurt and hurt and hurt_ and he couldn’t _fucking breathe._

“B-bin..”

Jiwon stumbled out of the shower, hand still pressed against his mouth to cover his sad whimpers. Bangs dripping with water, he staggered towards the bathroom counter, struggling to grab his medication with shaky hands. Popping two white pills into his mouth, Jiwon looked up at the mirror, staring at his reflection. He couldn’t recognize the bloodshot eyes and deathly pale face staring back at him. The barista gripped at his hair, gasping for breath as another migraine hit. He tried steadying his hands against counter to support his weight, accidentally knocking the prescription bottle to the floor, white pills spilling out.

_Oh no, no, no, no._

Jiwon fell to floor, trying to scoop all the pills back into the bottle, failing miserably. Salty tears blocked his vision and the steam from the shower made the room so suffocating, and once again, Jiwon was struggling to breathe. He wanted so badly to just give up and pass out on the floor, but he wouldn’t _-couldn’t-_ let Hanbin find him like this, lying helplessly on the cold bathroom marble.

Jiwon pulled himself to sit up against the bathroom cabinet, rocking himself back and forth, waiting for the migraines to pass _._

_“Baby?”_

_“Jiwon, where are you?”_

The barista hadn’t meant to fall asleep on the bathroom floor, in soaking wet clothes with white pills scattered around him, but when he opened his eyes and looked around him, he knew that’s exactly what had happened. He quickly scrambled up, trying to shove each and every pill back into the bottle before his boyfriend came up to find him.

Too late.

“J-Jiwon?”

 

Hanbin walked towards the door of the master bathroom, tie loosened around his neck, brown hair messy from being pulled at in distress. He opened the door slowly and his heart dropped to stomach at what he saw. His small boyfriend was sitting up on the white marble, wet clothes sticking to him like a second skin, as he made grabby hands to pick up pills that were scatter all over the floor. Hanbin trailed his eyes to Jiwon’s face but the younger’s eyes were covered by his raven bangs.

“W-what’s going on here?”

Hanbin watched as Jiwon put on a shaky smile and looked up, eyes dull and bloodshot. He spoke softly, “H-hey Bin, I-I was just going to take a shower and I guess I somehow forgot to take my clothes off,” A fake chuckle left his lips and he wouldn’t meet Hanbin’s eyes, “I just-“

“Please don’t lie to me, Jiwon.“

Hanbin looked at the barista on the floor with dark, worried eyes. When he realized that Jiwon wouldn’t answer him, Hanbin sighed. He crouched down to the marble and plucked the pills one by one, putting each one back into the bottle. Jiwon watched with wide eyes and unsteady hands but his mouth stayed silent.

Once Hanbin finished putting all the pills back, he stood up and put the bottle back onto the counter and turned around to grab two fluffy white towels from the towel rack. He walked back to Jiwon knelt down to wrap one towel around the smaller boy’s shoulders and used the other to towel dry the barista’s raven wet hair. When the ends of Jiwon’s hair were no longer dripping, Hanbin threw the towel onto the counter before he picked the barista up in his arms, towel still wrapped around him, and carried him out the bathroom. He gently set Jiwon down at the edge of the bed and turned to walk to their shared wardrobe to grab fresh clothes for the barista.

Only a few steps in, Hanbin felt a wet body pressed against his back, arms wrapping tightly around his waist. Salty tears dripped down to his collar bones, and he could feel Jiwon’s hot breath against his ear.  “D-don’t go. P-please don’t go, Bin.”

Without breaking the hug, Hanbin replied softly, “I’m just getting you fresh clothes, bunny.”

Jiwon cried even harder at the pet name, burying his face into Hanbin’s back, tears soaking through the thin material of his white dress shirt. “I-I’m,” but the barista couldn’t get his words out, whole body shaking from the anguished cries slipping from his mouth.

Hanbin flipped them around so that he could face Jiwon, wrapping his arms around the barista’s slim waist. Jiwon’s arms immediately went around Hanbin’s neck, _almost like muscle memory,_ standing the tiniest bit on his tippy toes and burying his face into shoulder. “B-bin.. I’m sorry, so, so sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

“I-I can’t..”

Hanbin hummed softly, letting the boy know he had all the time in the world to answer. But Jiwon was shaking in his arms and the former knew he was going to catch a cold if he didn’t change out of his soaking clothes soon. He let go of the barista gently, “Jiwon...”

But Jiwon’s eyes widened in panic, latching onto the other boy, “No!! Please, don’t go.”

Hanbin couldn’t understand why Jiwon was acting the way he was but he couldn’t let the barista get even sicker than he already was. He gathered the boy into his arms and carried him bridal style to their wardrobe before setting him down gently, the barista standing on wobbly legs. Hanbin grabbed a pair of black sweatpants and a white knit sweater, from his own side of the closet because he knew Jiwon felt safe in his clothes.

“Baby, can you lift your arms for me?”

The barista nodded, his arms felt heavy but he lifted them up enough for Hanbin to slip his soaked black T-shirt over his head. He pulled his light wash jeans gently down Jiwon’s slim legs before towel drying his whole body with the fluffy white towel. Once he was satisfied and Jiwon was no longer dripping with water, Hanbin pulled the black sweatpants up and slipped the sweater over his head.

“All done, baby!”

Jiwon smiled softly at his boyfriend, eyes sad, “I really don’t deserve you, Bin.”

_“You deserve the world and more, my love.”_

The barista’s smile broke before he bit his lip, looking up at Hanbin with watery eyes, "Can we go to bed together? I'm really tired." 

Hanbin went silent, strong facade breaking for just a second as he fell into Jiwon's doe eyes. He spoke softly, brushing the barista's bangs away from his face, "Of course, baby. Just let me shower and get dressed and I'll meet you in bed." Nodding weakly, Jiwon took Hanbin's hand in his and padded towards the huge king-sized bed before he let go and slipped under the black silk sheets, head heavy as it hit the soft pillow below.

"I love you, Hanbin." 

"I love you too, Ji. More than you'll ever know." 

Jiwon's eyes glossed over and he quickly flipped over onto his side to avoid Hanbin's eyes, "Go shower, Bin. I wanna cuddle." 

But when Hanbin stepped of the bathroom, clean hair and fresh pajamas, he found Jiwon already sound asleep, flat on his back. Before padding to his side of the bed, he pressed fleeting kisses to both of the barista's eyelids, then his cheeks, and finally a soft peck to his rosy lips. As soon as Hanbin slipped under the covers, Jiwon's eyes shot open, unshed tears threatening to fall as he stared into the darkness. Eyelashes clumped with heavy tears, Jiwon brought a hand up to cover his silent sobbing;  _he couldn't let Hanbin hear him cry._

Little did the barista know, Hanbin was trying to control his own crying, slippery tears sliding down his pale cheeks as he lay next to Jiwon.

 

The next morning, once Hanbin was off to work, Jiwon got onto his knees and looked under the bed, reaching around before his fingers made contact with a rectangular black box. He pulled off the lid and slipped his hand inside, grabbing his old camera from when he used to be interested in photography. It was a small camera, slim and black, but the quality was decent and it was all Jiwon had. He slid the box back under the bed and stood up, padding to the living room. 

He sat on the couch for a few seconds fumbling with the buttons on the camera before he setting it down on the glass coffee table in front of him so that the lenses was facing him. Jiwon hadn't even realized tears were slipping down his cheeks, but when a tear hit the table, he quickly wiped at his eyes with the sleeves of his sweater.

Jiwon leaned forward to hit the record button on the camera, and when the small red light flashed constantly to show it was recording, his eyes filled up with tears again.  _This is actually happening._

The barista looked at the camera, smiling the best he could, but failing when a single tear slipped down.  _I can't fucking do this._ Breathing deeply, he tried again, looking directly into the lens with a small smile on his lips. 

"So I'm making this video.. b-but who knows maybe you'll never see it. I hope you never see it. If you ever somehow find this, it probably means I-I'm.. g-gone. O-oh god. I-I can't—"

His voice trailed off, not strong enough to go on, but Jiwon knew he had to.

"Hanbin, I love you. I-I really, really love you. And I want— I want you to live on even if I-I'm not here anymore."

Jiwon took closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before looking at the camera again, "Listen, Bin. Please, please don't lose yourself even when—" 

".. if I'm gone. You're 23, Hanbin. You're so young and beautiful, so, so beautiful. Please don't ever give up. Don't even let a soul as wonderful as yours burn out. I know- I know I might not be able to be by your side soon, but I-I really hope I can, Tae. I hope we can be together for a long, long time. Forever even." 

Jiwon's lips trembled, "B-but right now, things don't look so good, Hanbin. M-my head hurts all the time and there's days where I truly think being dead is better than this. But then I remember you, and I hate myself- I hate myself so much for thinking like this because h-how can I ever leave someone like you behind? You're my entire world, Kim Hanbin." 

"T-the other day, Jinan hyung called me and for a split second, I-I was so, so scared. I was scared because.. because for a minute, I-I didn't know who he was. I couldn't recognize his voice and he was calling out for me and I-I just couldn't answer him. I'm so scared, Bin. I just.. I want this to be over, you know. I can't— I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to be normal and live. Live my life with you and maybe adopt a dog or something."

"I-I hate this so much, Bin. This video was suppose to be something good, something happy. I was gonna live this behind for you as a memory and a reminder that even when—if— I'm gone, you still have a piece of me with you. Hanbin, I'm always gonna be by your side. And I hope you'll be by mind forever." 

"Anyways Hanbin, I hope you never find this. I don't want you to ever see this and actually I think I'm gonna tell you that.. I'm gonna ask you later about the treatment options again. I don't want to die, Bin. I want to live. And even if there's only a 5% chance, the treatment will work, I'm still gonna take it. B-because I've realized this is so much worse, Hanbin. Waiting to die when all you want to do is live. I want to live with you, Bin. I really, really want too. For a long time."

"But Bin, if the treatments don't work and I-I'm not going to make it, just.. Hanbin, please move on. I don't want you to be stuck with me forever. You're young and handsome and you deserve to fall in love again or even a million times and find someone to settle down with, maybe have a few kids and a puppy too. I really hope it's me because it breaks my heart when I think of you with someone else. But seriously, when I'm gone, don't stay on this for too long, okay? I want to be in your memory forever but I would never want to hold you back from the rest of the world. Please live on because you deserve to be happy. Please live, for me." 

"Okay, I think the battery's gonna die out soon. I'm gonna leave it off here and just hope you never find this. I love you, Hanbin, and I'll love you forever. Please, don't forget that. Don't forget me." 

Jiwon leaned forward to press the stop button. Once the red light stop flashing, he knew the video was over. He stood up, camera in his trembling hands before he made his way back to the bedroom. Putting the camera back into the box and sliding it under the bed, Jiwon sighed. He suddenly felt drained and his bones felt like glass, about to shatter at any given moment. He slipped into bed and covered himself with the silk comforter, not giving any mind to his empty stomach. Tears built up at his eyes and Jiwon truly could not feel more weak and pathetic than he did in that moment. "I-I want Hanbin. I miss him so much."

The tears slid down his cheeks and Jiwon let them fall freely. After all no one was home to see him and he felt he's finally reached his breaking point as he lay there in bed, phone pressed to his chest, just one button away from dialing Hanbin's phone number. 

Eventually Jiwon fell asleep and it was hours later when he woke up from the sound of the master bedroom door closing. Hanbin walked in with silent footsteps, tray balancing in his hands as he made his way to the barista. 

"Bin..? You're home? Already?"

Hanbin smiled, "It's 7, baby. Have you been sleeping for a long time?" 

Jiwon  gasped and sat up straight in bed, "I took a nap when you left for work but I didn't think it's been that long. I haven't eaten at all!"

"I figured.. The house is strangely clean for once. I brought you some soup from that Chinese place you like." 

Hanbin stumbled forward, almost spilling the bowl of hot soup onto the bed, before Jiwon reached out and grabbed the tray from him. "You're seriously the best, Bin. What about you? Have you eaten?" 

Hanbin nodded, "I ate at the office, just got a sandwich at Lee's. I'm hoping to relax and watch a movie with you in bed? It's been such a long day, baby. I missed you." 

Jiwon giggled before pushing at Hanbin playfully, "I missed you too. Go shower, I'll put on Kill Bill: Volume 3." 

"That's my favorite!!" 

The barista smilled as he watched Hanbin walk to the bathroom, grabbing a black silk robe from the arm of the couch and loosening the tie around his neck. He whispered softly so the other boy wouldn't hear, "I know." 

Thirty minutes later, the two boys were cuddling in bed, eyes trained on the movie in front of them. Jiwon was laying between Hanbin's legs, head resting on his hard chest. He was hugging a soft pink, bunny plushie to his chest as he watched the bride—Uma Thurman— about to ambush the viper. But Jiwon's already seen this movie a  _million times_  and he was feeling restless. 

And  _needy._

Jiwon flipped onto his front, and buried his face into Hanbin's chest. He whined cutely, "Bin..." 

But the older boy's eyes were trained on the intense scene playing on the huge TV and he mindlessly hummed, "Hmm?" 

The barista pouted, wanting all of Hanbin's attention on him. He swiftly grabbed the remote control that was lost among the silk sheets and "accidentally" clicked the red button, turning off the whole TV before tossing it to the floor. All without Hanbin noticing. He sat up, acting clueless, "What happened?" 

Hanbin frowned, "I have no idea, baby. The TV shut off all of a sudden. Let me look for the remote control." 

Now it was Jiwon's turn to frown, "Actually Bin.. let's do something else." 

Hanbin was too busy looking around the bed for the control to understand what Jiwon was saying, and he answered dumbly, "Do what?" 

Jiwon huffed before he pushed Hanbin down onto the bed, his head hitting the pillows in shock. Jiwon clambered on top and straddled his waist.

"J-Jiwon?" 

The barista rolled his eyes before he leaned down, close enough so that their lips were centimeters away from one another. He ground his ass against Hanbin's crotch before speaking, "I want you to fuck me, Bin." 

Hanbin's eyes widened, finally understanding the situation. 

"F-fuck, Ji.." 

His large hands gripped at Jiwon's tiny waist as the barista moved his hips, ass cushioning Hanbin's hardening dick. 

"Baby.."

Jiwon leaned down again and connected their lips slowly, closing his eyes as he felt Hanbin slip his tongue into his mouth. The older boy pulled Jiwon down and flipped them over so that he was on top, before grinding his hips against Jiwon's, mouths still locked together in a hot kiss. 

As Hanbin gyrated his hips down, Jiwon was lost in pleasure everytime their hard cocks made contact. The friction was  _so good, so hot,_   _and he needed more._ Jiwon whined against Hanbin's mouth, "Bin.. please." 

Hanbin bit at Jiwon's plump bottom lip, "Please what, baby?"

The barista blushed, still shy around his boyfriend, and he couldn't look Hanbin in the eye, "Bin..." 

“Hmmm? What do you want, baby?”

 

Jiwon’s eyes glazed over and he looked up at Hanbin, “P-please fuck me, Hanbin.”

Hanbin found himself lost in Jiwon’s sparkly, doe eyes and who was he to say no to his baby? With quick movements he unbuttoned the barista’s pajamas and pulled down his silk pajama bottoms and red boxer briefs. He pulled the tie holding together his own black, silk robe and soon both both were naked, rutting against each other.

“Flip over for me, baby. I wanna see your cute ass.”

Jiwon blushed but he flipped over, burying his face into the soft pillows, ass in the air.

Hanbin trailed his hands down Jiwon’s sides, fingers digging into soft skin before he reached his ass. He kneaded at the fleshy cheeks and groaned, “You’re so perfect, Jiwon. All mine.”

Jiwon whined into the pillow, wiggling his ass in the air, he just wanted to  _feel_ Hanbin.

Hanbin laughed, “Patience, baby,” but he reached over to the nightstand, grabbing a bottle of peach lube and drizzling over his fingers. He gently spread Jiwon’s cheeks open and kissed at his pretty pink hole. The barista moaned and pushed his ass back into Hanbin’s face.

“P-please..”

“Hmmm, baby. Do you want me to eat you out? Eat your pretty, pink pussy?”

Jiwon let out an incoherent noise, squirming and just wanting  _more._ Hanbin looked at the pretty boy whining on the bed and he lost it, sticking his tongue into Jiwon’s hole. Licking into Jiwon’s velvet walls was ecstasy as he watched his boyfriend fall apart on his tongue. He gently slid a lubed finger into Jiwon’s hole, right next to his tongue and the barista jumped at the intrusion, wiggling his ass into Hanbin’s face even more.

“Hhhhhhhng.. feels so good, Bin.”

Hanbin continued to lick  at Jiwon’s pretty hole until it was glistening with spit and peach lube.

“Jiwonie, I’m gonna fuck you now, okay?”

“P-please fuck me..”

Hanbin grinned at his needy baby, before spreading lube over his hard dick. He spread Jiwon"s cheeks open and rutted against the rosy hole, and groaned.

The friction was so, so good.

“D-don’t be so mean, hyung..”

Jiwon was looking back at Hanbin with glassy eyes arms resting on the pillow as he waited for the other boy to fuck him.

“‘m sorry baby, you just look so good. I can’t wait to fuck you, Jiwon.”

Hanbin slipped the tip of his hard cock into Jiwon’s hole, groaning at the tight feeling sucking him in.

Jiwon moaned and arched his back, wanting  _more and more and more._

Hanbin slid in the rest of his dick into Jiwon and as he bottomed all the way out, hips flushed against the boy’s pretty ass, he leaned down and kissed at Jiwon’s neck.

Reds, blues, and purples bloomed on the barista’s neck, blossoming like flowers and Jiwon looked so, so pretty. Eyes glassy, and hair dampened with sweat, his back was arched and he just looked  _so good_  taking Hanbin’s big cock.

Hanbin groaned as he moved his hips, pulling almost all the way out before slamming back in, “Jiwonie, you feel so good. Do you like being filled with hyung’s dick? Hmm, baby? Do you like how hard I fuck you?”

Jiwon’s eyes were closed as he pushed his ass against Hanbin, babbling incoherently, “Hnngh, I love it, hyung. I love your dick so much, hyung. P-please...”

“Please what, baby?”

“T-touch me, please..”

Jiwon made grabby hands for Hanbin’s but the latter boy was feeling mean, “I don’t think so baby. You’re going to cum just from my cock.”

Jiwon whined but Hanbin shut him up by pressing their mouths together, thrusting hard into Jiwon and swallowing his moans.

“Baby..”

“Hnngh hyung, I’m gonna cum! Please let me cum, "Bin. Please-“

Hanbin mouthed at Jiwon’s neck, pressing kisses onto the bites that were made on the column of his neck. He gripped at the smaller boy’s waist hard, whispering “Cum, baby.”

The younger boy closed his eyes as he came, white splashing onto the black silk sheets, “Hnngh, Bin..”

“Baby, I’m gonna cum soon.”

Hanbin thrusted hard into Jiwon, who tightened his walls at the sensitivity.

The vice-like grip on Hanbin’s dick felt  _so good and so hot_ that he could feel his dick pulsing inside of Jiwon. He came hard inside the other boy, riding out his orgasm as he pressed sloppy kisses to Jiwon’s swollen, red lips.

Hanbin pulled out gently, not wanting the other boy to hurt at the oversensitivity. He got up to move off the bed and clean them both up, but he felt a hand wrap around his wrist. Jiwon looked up at him with sleepy eyes, “Don’t go, Bin.”

The older boy looked at him with adoration evident in his eyes, “Baby, I’m just gonna go get a rag to clean us up. You don’t wanna sleep in dried cum, so you?”

Jiwon whined, pout forming on his perfect pink lips, “I don’t care.. Please?”

 

Hanbin melted at Jiwon’s pout and he found himself nodding. He reached over the nightstand and grabbed a few tissues, wiping as much cum from the sheets as he could. He quickly wiped Jiwon down before pulling the comforter over the tired boy and slipping into bed himself.

It was quiet for a few minutes before Jiwon flipped over to look at Hanbin in the darkness, “Bin..”

Hanbin hummed, “Yeah, baby?”

Jiwon swallowed the lump forming in his throat harshly, “I-I can’t marry you. I can’t marry you right now.”

The older boy looked crushed and so, so confused. He could already feel the tears forming and he quickly blinked them away, “Jiwon.. Why can’t you? You don’t want to?”

Jiwon quickly shook his head, “No, I want to! I really, really want to marry you, Bin. I love you. It’s just.. I hope that in a few years you can ask me again.”

“W-what?”

“Hanbin, I don’t want to marry you and then just die. I’m saying I want to go through with the treatments. Fly to America or Switzerland where they can actually fix me. I want to live, Bin. I’m not ready to die yet and I realized it’s not fun just waiting to die. I want to take the chance, Hanbin.”

“Jiwon..”

“I-I want to live for you. I want to live for myself, for Jinhwan, for Junhoe, for my mom. I don’t want to die yet. I want to get a dog, adopt a few kids.. I want to grow old with you, Bin. I wanna become a huge, successful artist with my own gallery and exhibits. I-I’m not ready to give up my dreams just yet. I don’t want to die.”

Jiwon took a deep breath, “B-but I’m scared, Bin. The world isn’t that nice to me and I know there’s a high chance I’m still going to die. But I want to try. I really want to try and live.”

Hanbin swallowed, “T-that’s amazing, Jiwon. I-“

He blinked away his tears and forced the words to come out, “I’m so proud of you, baby. Really, Jiwon. You’re so amazing. I’ll be by your side every step of the way. I- I love you.”

“I love you, Hanbin. So I’m hoping you can ask me to marry you again once this is all over..”

Hanbin smiled in the darkness, reaching for Jiwon’s hand, “Jiwon, I’m gonna ask you again once everything’s  fine and you’re all healthy again. I’m gonna make it so big this time, call up Jinhwan and ask him to set a nice dinner up with roses and pink champagne and everything.”

A single tear slid down Jiwon’s cheek but he was smiling. He was feeling good, feeling  _happy._ Jiwon held onto Hanbin’s hand, eyelids fluttering shut, I’d love that, Bin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was the first smut I've ever written so I hope it wasn't too bad..? but guys, I promise you, it WILL get better, Jiwon will get better.
> 
> I hope you guys are all liking this story so far, sorry that it's been awhile since the last update, I couldn't think :')


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